My Dear Amber, This is for You.

This is for a friend of mine, who had longed to leave this life behind. 

Her name was Amber and she was a ray of brilliance. Her life seemed like any other. (not to say it was perfect. Her mum never had never any time for her so, she was at my house often. Once, we even threw her a birthday party because her mum had either forgotten or didn’t have the money) Amber was beautiful and smart, too. She was accepted into one of those magnet schools and was successful in her early years of school. She quit the magnet school, however. I recall her grades dropping when she got into high school. She made a habit of not visiting because she claimed to be busy. It’s hard to know what happened to her after, but somewhere along the way she picked up drugs. She needed drugs for herself, her dad, and her step mum and at some point took up prostituting her body to get them. I still remember the last time I saw her. She was so skinny, so pale. She had dark circles under her eyes and a weak smile that made her hardly recognizable. So different from that 11- year- old girl always with a genuine smile, emitting her radiance that used to shine so bright. (I’d like to say at that point I realized she needed help, but I was clueless until her suicide). There were smiles and conversation, but she didn’t stay long. I think that was her way of checking on us, telling us goodbye. She hung herself the next week at the age of 16. I couldn’t go see her mum, it would’ve been hard to look at her and without knowing her dad, I resented him. Sometimes I lay in bed and imagine what she could have been and she will forever be a constant reminder of how precious life is. I wonder if she regrets robbing herself of the opportunity to live and tell her own story. And with that all she’s left me are questions, unanswered and memories to be kept forever in the back of my brain.

To everyone who read, thank you. To those depressed, on the verge of suicide, please take into consideration that it will stay with your loved ones for the remainder of their lives. Stay healthy & strong, my friends. And finally to Amber dearest, Rest in peace. Never to be forgotten.