At The end of the world, Or the last thing I see, You are, Never coming home, Never coming home….

Damn. That song brings back so many memories. Happy-ish Memories from happier times.

Basically, I’m thinking of doing ‘it’. I don’t want to be around anymore… I’m sick of life and all it has to throw at me. It’s not going to get better like everyone keeps telling me. I want it to stop. I think… My mental health is also getting worse… I don’t want to be the crazy one. I did want to stick around for my nephews, watch them grow up… be happy with them. Looks like that isn’t going to happen. They will be ok without me. I know it. And sure, I have things I want to do first… which is why i’m giving myself a few weeks… which should hopefully be enough.

Every year… My birthday’s just seemed to get worse… Has anyone ever heard of a birthday suicide? seems pretty perfect to me… Just a shame that my birthday is on a tuesday… I would have preferred a thursday. Did I say weeks? I still have another month until my birthday… That’s loads of time then.So… My birthday is May 22nd… also my death date? I just hope that the certain people on here won’t take it too badly… They know who they are… The ones I have been getting close-ish to…

U.N. Owen… I hope you haven’t left me yet, When that day comes. It’s going to destroy me, I hope you know that…. I don’t have a star, It burnt out a few years ago… And no medication or therapy is going to help relight it. I hope you do find a reason to stick around a bit longer, but if not… I might see you at the end of this..? I hope that we both find our happiness.

And for Aaron… Who probably won’t ever bother reading this… I love you, all of our good times have been amazing. And i’m grateful for that, You made things seem ok… And then came kyle, and all three of us had some great times… I love you both like brothers, I couldn’t have asked for better Guy Best friends.

I don’t know how i’m going to go yet… I might just ask for some money for my birthday and get a train ticket down to York after school,York has a pretty nice bridge for suicidal people. Or I might try over dosing? even though i have been told it doesn’t work.

But for now, I’m just going to look forward to the end, when the happy times can come back. I will just try to force myself through every day until then….

<3.