When I am somehow surprised that I am living with a control freak narcissistic person and that I will be hurt repeatedly until I find a better life
When I ignore for too long what matters to me, what feels good even if I can’t feel it at the moment
When I don’t make a plan, a strategy to try consistently to get someplace better than I am now
Forget there is more compassion in the world than I experience at home or have ever at home …OK so there is less also but mostly there is more because the human race would not have survived this friggen long otherwise.
Stay up too late  although I know that in this tiny icky apartment that is hot and humid with an AC that sounds like a 747 cabin before take off and with real planes roaring at all hours over head and fools without mufflers and blaring car stereos and stray howling dogs and sirens and all I likely won’t get a good nights sleep no mater but for sure if I don’t go to sleep earlier.
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Just was saying that suicide can happen in tiny steps any day when I don’t try hard enough to search for, find and get to a better place or when I pretend it isn’t bad when in fact it is, my conditions are bad.