It’s been a few hours after my last post. I am tired of this shit. I’m tired of living, I hate life. No point in having one. God is a false deity. The idea that God is Satan is very thorough, but I still don’t believe in a god. Or else he’s past insane. He keeps repeating human’s course over billions and billions of people and never is there a right person. Everyone is evil. I wonder what was Jesus’ motives. He was probably filling his ego. Maybe he was brainwashed.Â
I hope to join the army in 1 1/2 years. That’s too far away, though. I’ve waited long enough. I can’t take much longer. My breaking point gets closer and closer. Soon I will be dead.Â
I want to die in the army after firing my first live round at a target in Iraq. I don’t hate “terrorists”, but I want bloodshed. If I don’t die at war, then I hope to make a career out of the army, join a PMC, go to college, or go insane. Absolutely insane. I’m already on the verge, let’s just push it a bit more.Â
Read the book Catcher in the Rye and analyze Holden Caulfield. Should he be in a mental asylum? He’s just like me in many ways, so should I be in a mental asylum? I can’t do anything social, because I’m too shy, lazy and whatnot. How do I survive in this world???Â
Ut mortem occupet nos.
8 comments
before and if u join the army, try to be social..there is a reason my username is “fakingit” i fake happiness and sometimes it pays off. pretend u like all the things you dont..it just might make you happy:) and if not just keep hanging on..happiness does happen
I know it happens i felt happiness on monday but it was probably excitement at getting some nudity from my cousin. Now the happiness has passed. I’m back to my old self with worse depression. Like a withdrawal from the drug happiness
uhhhhhhhhhh ok dat first part i really didnt need to know. hmm sorry but the only thing i could say is to find something in your life to make your life worth living.
I’ve searched but haven’t found anything other than weed and I don’t have a steady supply. And my birthday is in 10 months. Going to be 18, and going for a medical weed card. If i dont get too much anxiety.
Also that first part was necessary for my reason for suddenly becoming happy again. I can’t fake it either, especially while I’m unhappy.
…weed aint ganna fix anything. just try it does take practice tho and sometimes i slip..but the only thig faking it doesnt do is cure anything its why im stil depressed.
Yeah i’ve learned that suicide is the last resort unless i’d like to be stuck on antidepressants.
i learned that too
But my options are wearing thin. My moms taking me to a gun show next week, she’s thinking about buying one. Either my end will be in one week or 10 months when I buy a gun.