my story

my name is matt, I live in new jersey. i started off with depression when i was 3. at that time my father began beating me i would estimate once a week, as well as my father having somewhat severe fights with my mother which often hurt me because she would be emotionally unavailable and I obviously was very distant from my father which made me feel alone. this feeling of being alone has always embodied me. i now am 19. i started off in middle school acting out and made a lot of “friends” but got myself in a lot of trouble just because i wanted to be noticed, i wanted the feeling of being alone to go away. i met my best friend at this time. as i entered high school most of these friends i made in middle school had left me and i had very few friends left usually alone in most classes. i got one of my first, what felt to me emotionally serious, girlfriend who dumped me within a month which i then attempted suicide and was put in a mental hospital. i came back to school and my remaining friends ceased talking to me other than my best friend (who did not go to school with me) so id go to the nurses office or the bathroom during lunch because no one would sit with me or talk to me. I would come home and be completely alone everyday. i began using drugs at this time. mostly Percocet and Oxycontin that i would steal from my parents medicine cabinet. i progressed than to heroin which i supported with a job at best buy. this started in my sophomore year. i often would be too high to go to school, and would call out sick, but I would always make it to my job. i ended up in my junior year going as far as to skip school for work to support about a $100 dollar a day habit. i ended up dropping out of high school and finishing it online. at this time i let my best friend know about my heroin addiction, looking for help, and never heard from him again. i now have absolutely no one who I talk to, and simply use heroin daily and work daily. i try to die everyday by overdosing or plan ways to kill myself. i am always alone. i mean nothing to anyone. my name is matt, I am no one. i am sorry for anyone who read this i simply wrote this to feel as if i actually had a friend, a girlfriend, a family member who i could talk to. thank you for your time.

-no one