overload

im having a hard time keeping together one part of me wants to jump off a bridge another part of me wants to slit my wrist or starve and dehydrate myself. To bad you cant do all three. Im in a lot of pain and i dont know why just know something inside of me hurts real bad. My life is good but this feeling is not good. I just got out of the er i actually went twice one the first day then the next. They threatened to kick me out of the er the second time if i kept acting up so i cried then decided to leave but by then they wouldnt let me leave. then the next morning they did. Thats what sucks about being a regular at the er they stop taking you seriously. Guess the only way out is to keep trying till i get it right cause i cant live like this hurts to much. My therapist says i really dont want to die. I think thats a damn lie. Its all i can think about. The worst part is im deathly afraid of mental hospitals so its no help. No one even wants to help me and im a big joke. My mom comes and rescues me every time i wish she wouldnt. Let them lock me up mom. Let them keep me safe. Dont keep saying you want to take me home because your doing me more harm than good.please!!!