Saying “yes” to what comes

I’ve read SP for over a year, but this is my first (and last) post. I will not read this post up on the site, I will not look at the comments. I can’t keep exposing myself to the negativity that I see here. There’s a choice I have to make, and I need to choose life. Because I won’t learn anything from death.

Myself, I have refused to engage with my life for years. Putting off graduating from professional school, letting work pile up, not looking at my finances. It cost me my marriage, hurt my job prospects, and has gotten me in a lot of debt.

Really, I don’t do anything. I put off getting out of bed, I don’t pay my bills until the last minute, I have a ton of backed-up schoolwork to do in the next couple of weeks if I’m going to graduate. I don’t want to do any of it.

It’s true I’m depressed. But not doing anything just feeds it. I’m anxious about how things will turn out, I put things off, I resent my situation. I’m envious of other people.

But I’m also very lucky. I’m young (late 20s), physically healthy enough, and have a good education.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…. Oh God, I can hardly stand to think of it.

Goodbye.