I’m sorry it had to be this way, I just can’t take it anymore. All aspects of my PTSD are taking over my life. I never smile anymore, and when I do it’s because I’m thinking of death.. I know this is going to hurt you, and i know you will all think I’m a selfish ungrateful monster, but I’m not. I just want to be set free, I want to be able to release the burden I carry, not to mention the burden I put on you with my meds, and hospitalization. Don’t think of this as a loss please, just think of how happy I am now that my soul is free. You may think I’m weak and mindless, and you’re entitled to thinking that, but I am only human, I can only take so much before I permanently break. I had my breaking point, and no, hospitalizing me again would not have changed this. I was going to do this one way or the other. I can no longer feel the pain I was, I’m free.
This was not how I envisioned my life ending, but the stress is overwhelming and I’m ready to go. I won’t tell you not to mourn, although I wish you wouldn’t, I will see you all again one day. I just don’t think I was cut out for the life i’ve been given, I’m not strong enough. No longer will i be bullied, no longer will I have nightmares, no longer will I have to face everyday trying to fake that smile. Now I can have a real smile, now I will be forever happy. Hold onto hope, please do not lose faith because of my actions. This was my choice, this is where I want to be.
Sincerely,
Me.
6 comments
This is… beautiful. I hope you find your peace. <3.
I understand. I truly wish u find the peace u seek.
Travel Well Friend
Peace, love, and happiness. Feirce Love<3
I can’t tell you not to do it….I would be a hypocrite then but maybe talking it out with someone who understands such as myself would help? I don’t want to encourage you going….but I understand. I hate myself for saying those words, but I wish that others would understand how I’m seeing this now. I don’t want you to kill yourself but I totally understand it.
I’m waiting till tonight, I need to talk to my best friend Jay, I need to know he’ll be there… He was a close friend of mine who killed himself a little over a year ago. I know he’s the reason why i haven’t accomplished it yet, but i hope he will understand.
You all are some fantastic people, really. I wish ALL of you on this site, not just the commentors, the best wishes in the future.
I hope you qo to a beautiful place!Ill be there with you alonq with the SP family!:)