i dont want to be here anymore
i dont know what going on my lifes so messed up. everything went wrong when i was taken from my mother at the age of 11 i had to move to my dads because social services said my mum emotionally and mentaly abused us i was a good kid i looked after my younger sibling while my older brother and sister took drugs with my mum so when we was taken i was relieved in a way but my whole life changed from there. i have 4 sisters and 1 brother we all got seperated and we had supervised contact once a year i was kept with my baby sister with my dad he was not her real dad am going to keep this as short as i can but ever since i got taken and put with my dad i got really badly onto alchol i was only 12 i used to drink every night and when i moved school i got bullied so i never attended my mum was fighting for us but there was little chance we could go bak. in time i fell out with my dad and got put into a care home i just wanted a stable homee and my family 🙁 i was still drinking every night on the street with people from my care home at 13 i met my boyfriend he was 18 at the time but i was really mature i got into pills and all sorts of drugs wen hospial so many times and tried suicide alot i still dident attend school people spread nasty rumours i never wanted to go bak to my dads area again iv never kept friends i jus feel very lonely i got moved around care homes i hated it they would lock the living room and kitchen at certain times i couldent go help myself to anything the staff wrote down everything we did each day i got restrained quiet alot and i gave the staff a really badly hardtime. at 14 i was stil doing the same things but now i never went back to my care home id rather stay on the sreets so i went bak with anyone and sometimes had sex with them lieing about my age i travelled the whole of my city and stayed in some terrible places i got into some bad sitations at 16 i moved back with my mum because i gave everyone the finger and refused to go unless police physically removed me iv slepted about iv done bad things iv met all types of people i attended school inmy last year but left towards the end and had no gcscs i know i am dumb because bullies fucked up my school life and now just 2 months ago i was gang raped and this is the first time in my life i feel like am breaking i carnt get out of bed i have really bad memory and smoke alot of weed i want to die i carn think straight im suffering with panic attaks i carnt act right around new people i dontknow what to say or do iv dropted out of college all i do is go out and drink and smoke weed i hate my life . when we was taken my mum met her bf and she changed so much for the better am proud her but no were not a family no more i was never taught anything i really want to die but i know my sisters are still out there and i would seriously hurt them so what do i do ?? i need some serious help thats not even half of my life story i know there are people way worse off the house isent homely that i live in and it really gets me down but i carnt do anything about it so i spend my time in my room sleeping
1 comment
Quit messing around, you need to be educated and be with better people, it doesn’t seem like you will reach anywhere by smoking weed and drinking -blurry head makes you sad, I say.
You can write here and relax as much as you want. Things didn’t go well with your family, but family isn’t your whole life. You can make another one of course, but you should firstly get better.