I cried for the first time in almost 10 years. It was only like 2 or 3 drops, but for someone like me who thought his tear ducts dried out years ago, it was a real relief. I have been contemplating suicide for years now. But only recently have i reached my breaking point. I have no real friends, only acquaintances. Im a 20 year old virgin, who only had one girlfriend, but i never met her in person. Had my heart broken more times then i can count. I learn the hard way that nice guys finish last, because im hopelessly to nice for my own good. Have no talents at all. Been physically and emotionally bruised by family and peers. Quit at everything i ever tried. I have been a loner for as long as i can remember. All in all im a complete pathetic loser, and probably wouldnt make a difference if i lived or died. So i found this site a couple of days a ago and found alot of people that are like me, and been through the same problems that i have, or many times 20x worse. And i have been here whining like a *****. Tonight i was so close to doing it, i was sitting in my room in the dark listening to my music, thinking of ways to do it. But then i decided to come on and write one last message about my last heart break, and my final breaking point. After i did that i read more and more posts, and read many of your comments, and i couldnt help but cry a little. I hate myself so damn much, but i have to stay strong for just a little longer. You guys made me realize that maybe there will be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. If you guys are still here, and found the strength to live, even for a few days more, then i can to. Maybe something good will happen soon, i can only hope. So i want to say to all you, thank you. I still really want to kill myself, but you made me want to live for a couple days longer. So thank you all again, and i wish you all the best of luck…..
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6 comments
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Sex should only be something used when you cant express your love through only words anymore. A lot of people carelessly have sex and it really ruins it.
Nice guys are the guys who, if they make good decisions, don’t get divorced. They truely love and care. They don’t do bad things on a regular schedule.
I bet you have talents you never even realized. Everyone has at least one good talent. Try not to quit. Find something your interested in and keep going even when the going gets tough. Tell me the hobbies you have had in the last year or so or even when you were little. Pathetic losers can be really cool and you never know if someone really does care and hasn’t shown it.
I’m glad you found this site but fair warning : it gets addictive! Lol. SP is all about whining like a ***** so its ok 🙂 keep staying strong because today might be fucky but tomorrow could be lucky. That was my attempt at hummor. Epic fail 🙂
Fierce Love<3
Been there Monsuir!
It took me 3 days fo finally cry, after not crying for 3 years.. and it was only because I found out my best friend had been raped repeatedly for years, by her brothers :o( She was pretty depressed.. But she is now healthy, happy, married with a little baby.
There is always hope, somewhere, out there.. Just keep trying..
As for being a virgin, there is NOTHING wrong with that!! I was a virgin til I was 24.. and I wish I would have stayed that way unti I was married. But, alas, my fiance and I went a little too far. Sigh. It was a blow on my self esteem, esp when he left me a year later, without even a goodbye. You might feel pressured by society, but really… it’s better to not do it til you are committed. It saves a lot of heartache, besause if you were upset that your girlfriend broke up with you, I know from experiance, it hurts SO much worse when you’ve shared every intimate thing with the person, and they still leave.
I have been suicidal since I was 7, my earliest memories. I have found therapy and medication benificial, but it still requires some effort on my part. However, it no longer feels like I’m dragging a 100 pound back pack everywhere I go. Maybe those ankle/wrist bands that weigh a pound each? Not nearly as hard of a struggle. Therapy and meds aren’t for the weak.. It takes a lot of courage to look for, then accept, assistance.
I wish you the best in your journey, and I hope you don’t kill yourself.
Sincerely,
Ultimate Actress
PS: If you are feeling really down, try not to sit in your room in the dark, listening to sad music, or angry. Even though it seems the most natural thing to do. Try to force yourself to get up, go out side, even just to check the mail, or walk around the block. Look sor something interesting, something beautiful.. even if it’s just a leaf, or a butterfly, a tiny drop of water sparkeling in the sun.. think like a kid, jump in puddles, swing on swingsets, try to smile.. because just the act of smiling, even if you don’t mean it, actually raises endorphins in your brain, giving you a little mood boost.
@just listen: Your attempt at humor wasnt a fail, it made me laugh a little lol. But yeah i’ll keep trying my best, thanks :).
@Ultimate_Actress: Im really sorry about your friend :(, and the fact that your fiance left you after all that. Im not really that worried about my virginity, more then the fact that im alone most of the time(which i forgot to add up there). But thank you, your words mean alot :). As for the music and dark room, well i was sick as well today, so i couldnt even go out if i wanted to. But i get what you mean lol.
ditto on that last bit. best of luck to you
I am 29 and still a virgin.. I dont see that as a problem…my problems are much bigger…could not do anything in life,, feels like a total failure, no good friends, no well wishers…feels alone and pity…hanging around thinking time will change…but it does not…atleast didnt change for last 6 years….we have to fight it out…GOD cannot take care of all….do something so that people are dependent on you…do good to the ones below you…u will get real love….all d best….i can be your good friend…. my email id shalabh.sharma1983@gmail.com
Ya well I’m never gonna be a comedian lol. That’s really all you can do is try. Sometimes you will succeed other times fail. If you have ever seen the haunted mansion with eddy Murphy at the end the little green girl in the glass ball says ‘you try, you fail, you try, you fail, but the only way you really fail is if you stop trying’ it is so true!