So it’s actually a beautiful day today. The sun is shining and its actually warm outside. Everyone always seem to enjoy the sunshine. People are happier and less annoyed and it only makes me more irritated. It only reminds me more of how miserable I feel.
I cant even fucking smoke my weed because every one of my neighbours are outside. And if I just go outside and leave the house for a few minutes my mom will ask me what I was doing. Where do you go for 5 minutes but you need to leave the house? Also since I couldnt smoke all day my minds is fucking with me and I actually am pretty scared to leave the house. I really need my own place. Ive been trying to find something but its so hard to find anything affordable. I need some luck.
I had to finish an assignment for shool, and Ive been trying to start but I just cant get anything done. I need to smoke. I feel fucking restless and my head is all over the place. Time seems to fly by but still there hasnt been any fucking oppurtinity. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. It disgusts me that I cant even behave like a normal person because Im still sober. Im such a disgusting person. Which is why I need my weed goddammit. I dont want to be reminded how disgusting I am every 5 minutes, but I cant stop hating myself when sober. Been thinking maybe I should just use some speed again, used it a couple times last week already. It doesnt calm me down but it does feel fucking good. I said to myself I didnt want to use that much anymore but the urge is strong. Especially since I cant smoke my fucking weed.
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6 comments
You’re addicted to weed. Doesn’t make you a disgusting person.
I’d go mad myself if I were living with my parents.
Are your parents aware of how bad you feel? It sounds like they aren’t?
I know little about drugs, but speed sounds like a bad idea to me.
I live with my mom. I’m not sure if she even knows i smoke weed. Hmm. she probably knows but doesn’t know how bad it is? I still hope she doesn’t know though.
Speed is basically cheap cocaine with more bad stuff in it but the high last about 7-8 hours instead of 30 minutes.
Hi Christina, I read the first two parts of your story. You write really well, and wow, you’ve been through a lot. I’m not surprised you got good grades in school, you seem pretty bright. If I’d been through what you have, well, I doubt I’d have managed it.
hi muspelhem,
thank you for the compliment. My grades arent that good though, and Im not that bright either. Thank you for your kind words. May I ask what made you read them? I wrote that a long time ago.
I think I was being a stalkerish guy, found you interesting. And also I tend to comment without thinking on here, so I wanted to know a bit more before I wrote something.
He muspelhem,
I just read this now, im sorry.
Hah, well im not that interesting actually. Youre not one of those creepy stalkers right ;)?