I’m one of those people that like to pay attention to detail, so natrually I found everything wrong about myself. I’d lie awake at night thinking about all the things I might have done wrong that day and saying to myself “God, you’re an idoit” Whenever someone complimented me, I always thought “they’re just saying that to spare my feelings, they don’t really like me” And i’ll admit, I’m pretty fucked up in the head.
Self harming, or cutting. What a concept man, I love it. Nothing feels better then thinking you can just cut away all these imperfections. And thats what I did. And it was totally great, except when you cut to deep on accident. Now i’ll be honest, suicide was lingering in my mind all the time but I never had the courage to actually do it.
But this one night, man this one night, I was hit with depression hard. And I said to myself “you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna kill yourself” 3 attempts in one night. First cutting. Then hanging. Then a bottle of pills. I ended up going to the hospital to get my stomach pumped and my arms bandaged. Thanks to my friend charlie. I could not be anymore thankful to him for saving my life.
And this is for him. Thank you for making me feel like I belonged.
1 comment
You could pay attention to the details of what’s right about you….whatever you place your attention on you attract, and the more you focus on it the bigger it gets. So just shift your focus to the good details….as small as they be. It’s the equivalent of going into your hamper & putting on something dirty…why not pick out a clean pair of knickers..lol & put that on. You deserve to give yourself the feeling of belonging @ acceptance…Whether you can feel it, or know it…you are loved-why shouldn’t you be, why not you or me? (I have to remind myself of that one too)….Happiness is your birthright. Good luck!