Life is so mundane…

Everyday brings the same crap, everyday I wake up nauseous as hell.
Everyday I think about how I can successfully kill myself. My parents think I
need to be under medication, because I find it hard to express emotions and feelings when I find everything pretty shitty.
Any temporary happiness I have is always clouded with suicidal thoughts.
As each day goes by sleep is something I resent more and more. Truth is I hate sleeping because I hate waking up to another shitty day
in this existence.I live with the innate idea that if I was never born, I would be happier since I would have never
existed, my parents think otherwise. They always love to tell me how much of a problem I am, and to be honest
all my life I’ve been a problem to those around me in someway. My family thinks I’m a some low life druggie criminal, I’m not allowed in most
of my relatives homes anymore and the one person I actually give a shit about isn’t allowed to see me because my aunt thinks I influenced him to do drugs and other shit .
I literally sit here and read this forum for hours on end because it’s the only place I feel a connection with. I shouldn’t lie though, I also come here to find a way to commit suicide.I’ve been seriously contemplating suicide ever since I could remember, and I plan to go to the local drugstore today in
an attempt to steal as many sleeping pills as I can. Hopefully I can finally enjoy sleep.