This is gonna be the strangest of post for me so far…I’d just like to share this completely for once.This is the one thing I haven’t told anybody since the time it was created when I was 10.No one ever knew this,not even my family.Strange that I’m putting it here to complete strangers on a suicide forum.
I think this is in a way how my last sliver of hope takes form.For as far as I can remember,this world was boring,colorless and full of unfair things.I was quick to escape in my own little dream-land.I was a lone little dreamer since kindergarden,always drawing by myself.No one could enter my dream-land.When I was 1o(maybe 11?)I started to create my own little paradise.A world only known by me.When I was tired of loocking at this ugly reality,I would gase out a window and get lost in my thoughts and dreams about this world.I often put those thought on papers in the form of drawing,never showing them to anybody.No one was allowed to trespass in it.It was my last little corner of peace.
One year later I decided to create characters for this world and story to go with them.I based them all on part of me.Then I created the main character and the main villain.The villain eventualy came out to be a representation of me.They both had one of my two wishes.The main character wanted to find a reason to him being born in a world he hated.The villain wanted a place he could finaly belong to.Even now I often fantasize about doing just like the villain in my story: gathering all those that suffer in the world and together we’d make it go away…
I thought the story shoudn’t be about good or evil,right or wrong.Just a simple story about finding ones place in the world…About finaly finding that moment when you can smile even with all the uglyness around you.So I thought of a title and I found the perfect one.
Now that I think about it this little corner of dream of mine has become so link with my life that I’ll probably never find a proper ending to the story.When I DO find how it ends,I think that’s when I’m finaly gonna be able to smile too.