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My small corner…

by TarotXIII

This is gonna be the strangest of post for me so far…I’d just like to share this completely for once.This is the one thing I haven’t told anybody since the time it was created when I was 10.No one ever knew this,not even my family.Strange that I’m putting it here to complete strangers on a suicide forum.

I think this is in a way how my last sliver of hope takes form.For as far as I can remember,this world was boring,colorless and full of unfair things.I was quick to escape in my own little dream-land.I was a lone little dreamer since kindergarden,always drawing by myself.No one could enter my dream-land.When I was 1o(maybe 11?)I started to create my own little paradise.A world only known by me.When I was tired of loocking at this ugly reality,I would gase out a window and get lost in my thoughts and dreams about this world.I often put those thought on papers in the form of drawing,never showing them to anybody.No one was allowed to trespass in it.It was my last little corner of peace.

One year later I decided to create characters for this world and story to go with them.I based them all on part of me.Then I created the main character and the main villain.The villain eventualy came out to be a representation of me.They both had one of my two wishes.The main character wanted to find a reason to him being born in a world he hated.The villain wanted a place he could finaly belong to.Even now I often fantasize about doing just like the villain in my story: gathering all those that suffer in the world and together we’d make it go away…

I thought the story shoudn’t be about good or evil,right or wrong.Just a simple story about finding ones place in the world…About finaly finding that moment when you can smile even with all the uglyness around you.So I thought of a title and I found the perfect one.

My Paradise

Now that I think about it this little corner of dream of mine has become so link with my life that I’ll probably never find a proper ending to the story.When I DO find how it ends,I think that’s when I’m finaly gonna be able to smile too.

 

 

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4 comments

pantouffe 6/20/2012 - 6:43 pm

Your creation of an imaginary world is probably a coping mechanism that you developed to deal with the stresses associated with life. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, especially if it makes you happy.

I have lived in (and out of) an imaginary world, too, since I was a child. My imaginary world only existed in my room. I knew it was not real. But, my family interpreted my interaction with an imaginary world as evidence of psychosis. They made me feel like a freak for creating an imaginary world. They did not understand that they were the reason that I had to retreat to a fantasy world.

“Real” people I met as a child did not interest me at all. I had many friends as s child, but I always felt alone in their presence. Since I did not derive any pleasure or satisfaction with real people, I created imaginary ones.

I recently found out that there is a condition that is characterized by the activities in which you are participating. The condition is called maladaptive daydreaming. You can read about it here: http://suicideproject.org/2012/06/my-small-corner/#respond. You can also read about it here: http://wildminds.ning.com/

Do not allow people to make you feel weird or psychotic because of your activities. I think that people like you and like me are very creative, imaginative, and intelligent.

As a teen, I created art, poetry, and music about my imaginary world. You might be bothered by the word “imaginary” because of the negative connotations associated with it. But, do not be bothered by it. The characters you have developed may not be real, but they evoke real emotions in you. The characters may be composites of different aspects of your personality.

1. Have you heard of the outsider artist Henry Darger? If not, I highly recommend that you read about him or see the documentary about him called, “In the Realms of the Unreal: The Mystery of Henry Darger”. Henry was a brilliant and prolific artists, who produced beautiful art and written works. He was a recluse, he didn’t seem to have any family or friends, but he had a very rich fantasy life.

pandaadnap 6/20/2012 - 10:32 pm

Imaginary worlds, I love them. The idea of the story sounds great! I hope you have an ending soon

loveless1189 6/21/2012 - 12:28 pm

Wow, I meant a friend of mine who had imaginary friends whom she brought with her so to speak wherever she went in a sense she was never alone and I was jealous of such freedom. I find nothing strange about your post and am actually quite envious and hope I can find my own world thank you very much for sharing something so personal.

loveless1189 6/21/2012 - 12:29 pm

Have a friend of mine ** stupid spellcheck

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