I consider myself fairly reasonable, but lately I’ve been contemplating suicide more and more. I am a twenty-three year old man living at his mom’s house. My mom suffers serious emotional problems after my dad died in 2001. She is a good parent, and I am well taken care of at home. Our family even has a fair amount of money. Things could be worse; however, her emotional problems have become aggravated since I graduated college and returned home in December. Even though my full-time job keeps me out of the house for a majority of the day, my mere presence triggers obsessive behavior in her that I find rather uncomfortable. She started to read my journals, and my bank statements. To have my personal life private I now keep my journals in a backpack in my car, and I try to pay for everything with cash. If I leave the house she says I have to tell her where I’m going, and every day she tries to make me describe everything I did that day. She refuses to believe her behavior is unusual, so I want to move-out to help solve her problem.
My problem, which is the reason I feel suicidal, is that there is no reason for me to move-out. I’m trying to become a writer, so my plan was to befriend the other writers in my area to become part of some social group, then follow wherever the group went. I admit it isn’t a very well-thought plan, and it was my only plan. My few real friends don’t want to live anywhere with me, I can’t leave for an MFA, there is no job that requires me to move, et. al.
I see no future where I have moved-out of my mom’s house, so I want to kill myself. I’m tired.
2 comments
I am in the same boat. It is not your mothers fault that you are miserable, it is the human instinct that kicks in at a certain age to leave the nest & become a man. You are constantly repressing it, so it is making you miserable..
You tell her that you love her but you are not a boy anymore, and you need space. Committing suicide would be a truly spiteful thing to do to a woman who has given up 23 years of her life for you.
Sometimes we’re forced to be in situations that we would really prefer not to be in. And it becomes even more painful when there’s no end in sight. It’s so hard to live day in and day out in a home that you’re not happy in, and with a life that doesn’t give you much satisfaction. But, please remember that even when you don’t have complete control over your surroundings, you have control over your mind. Don’t allow external forces to rob you of your peace of mind. Your life is much more valuable than a temporary situation – even if temporary means several months or a few years. Hang in there. Keep following your dream, and let that be enough motivation to keep you sane for the time being. Something will give before you know it, and five or ten years from now you’ll be glad that you kept working towards your goals. Be respectful to your mother, but it’s okay to keep your distance and take precautions to maintain your privacy. Good luck,