When i got back from my gospel camp i felt “new” in a way i felt good inside everything was turning around then the “shit hit the fan”. About a few weeks from being back my little sister went to Seattle for her round up band thing and my mother is a volunteer for this band. turns out my mom met some guy who is another volunteer with the round up band and now my parents are splitting up and that’s just one of the things that making me stress out hardcore. If any of you have read my other posts you would have noticed […]
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Full Time Job
Not being able to sleep is one of the worst feelings. Â Insomnia is definitely something to hate. Â I don’t go to bed until 4 or 5am. Â I then wake up around 12pm and just go do my normal day to day jobs. Â My boyfriend gets home at the mid afternoon. Â I hardly ever see him. Â Once he gets home, he comes up to our room to see me, spends 5 minutes with me, then goes to hangs out with his friends for ages, then doesn’t come back up until 7pm, then we make dinner, then we watch a movie (where no catch up or talking […]
I’ve said a million times that I would rather be beat up than to hurt emotionally, but it never seems to work out that way. As I found out on Thursday night, even if you are beat up physically, your heart will still hurt.
I am not getting any younger. I am 29, I have a seemingly great life; I have a full time job at a great company, I have a wonderful apartment near my job, I have my two cats that I live with, some great friends, a supportive family… But there is one thing missing – a relationship with myself.
I am constantly trying […]
I’m exhausted. I’ve come to believe that there are people put on this earth that are meant to struggle throughout their lives. They are the ones that we look at in their 80’s and say…oh but she/he worked soo hard, did what they could, just couldn’t catch a break, but never complained, just went to work did what they had to do…. yeah well, I’m 42 years old, been divorced for 4 years now, I have 2 children remaining with me, my oldest is 19, has moved with his father and hates and refuses to speak to me bc of the divorce. I went […]
I consider myself fairly reasonable, but lately I’ve been contemplating suicide more and more. I am a twenty-three year old man living at his mom’s house. My mom suffers serious emotional problems after my dad died in 2001. She is a good parent, and I am well taken care of at home. Our family even has a fair amount of money. Things could be worse; however, her emotional problems have become aggravated since I graduated college and returned home in December. Even though my full-time job keeps me out of the house for a majority of the day, my mere presence triggers obsessive behavior in […]
In church, they tell you that porn stars are girls who have completely shattered lives and who behave in ways to find reassurance from men; girls who are desperate for love and for Jesus.
Wanna know the truth? I have the love of Christ, and am thankful for it. I have friends and family who I trust, and an adoring fiance. Know why I star in porn? Because there’s no other fucking way to make enough to live in this shitty country. Tell me how to get even a minimum wage full-time job in a tiny college town, or anywhere, really. Better yet, tell me […]
I am starting to feel like I am being punished for being alive, I wasn’t truly meant to exist anyway since I was unplanned. I can’t have one good thing happen and if something does, I pay for it later on. I have been through so much in my life, was mentally and physically abused by my dad, had to watch it happen to my mom who is disabled, been into women’s shelters, was raised in a cult like religion which left me without friends, social activities was highly restricted, no help from them with what was going on at home since they said in […]
Today i live in a nice two story apartment, its safe and secure, its not on the ground floor, its quite. (I love the quite) I have a full time job, good friends and i can say that i am honestly happy again. But my life was not always this way.
A few years ago i was living on the streets, i had no money, no was looking for me because they knew where i was, i was depressed and high and i had given up on life, and my then family and friends had all given up on me. (Its not their fault, i was being a totally […]
if you have no one relying on you, then what’s so bad about killing yourself? I have family and friends, sure, but none of them needs me to live. I see friends every other week, try to see family less than that; I know I’m not necessary. I’m not necessary to any one other persons existence. People would be sad but so? Life is saddening.
No kids, no spouse or prospects of any kind, no pets, no car or mortgage and no hope.
If I continue living, I’ll just be seeking out ways to stay happy, like everybody else does. But nothing makes me happy, […]