Pretty sure I’ll be doing it within a month. I’ve decided on a hanging, I’ve looked into the subject a lot and the best options are expensive, and the other options can leave you pretty messed up. Hanging can too of course but has a higher success rate and is cheap to do. I knew a guy who tried shooting himself in the hospital during a previous attempt so even guns aren’t a guarantee but nothing is really. I don’t really expect anyone to read this, I notice most posts on here don’t have comments, so either no one reads or no one cares. That’s […]
Tag:
Cop
My birthday is on February 1st, this Friday, and I asked my mom
if we were going to do anything, an innocent question, right?
Her car hasn’t had a renewal sticker since November, which means its illegal for her to drive anywhere.
She and I had lost our jobs before the winter started, meaning we’re becoming dirt poor and can barely afford to keep anything we have.
I have a court trial coming up soon because of a statutory rape charge on my ex-boyfriend
I find myself thinking about hurting myself a lot or simply ending my life, but it would just put my family into more of a […]
Pfft, the last post I made was a lie. I said I’ve ‘hit my lowest point’ but that’s more like now or the near future. I tried to literally run away from my problems, and I was naïve to think it would help anything. I got 57 miles on foot before a cop started questioning me, and he eventually arrested me (since running away where I live illegal). That’s the only reason I’m still in this tiny little hellhole of mine where as much as the people around me may have good intentions, I can’t take it. I’d run away again, even though as I […]
I forgot to tell many shitty things on my last post, like… I was really depressed bcuz many friends left me, and i chose to give my gf a better life in exchange for hell for myself. so i decided to go to a party with people i knew and the other 600 or something. late that night, i was real happy, not drunk, just a little bit dizzy. and it was reeealy cold outside, hey its norway:P but on the way i heard yelling, and i was like, god no, why… so i turned around and saw two elder boys come at me and […]
Like I said, I am not looking for anybody’s opinion on myself, or any of my decisions. Nobody hates me more than me, so it would be a ridiculous waste of time. I have completely lost the will to live. And I mean that in the most serious way possible. Not because something bad just happened in my life. I just flat out do not want to be alive anymore. I don’t see a real reason to be, either. I am the literal definition of “useless”. I am a complete waste of space. I am probably denying somebody who deserves life precious air, and food. […]
I fully understand why people want to be dead. Living hurts sometimes. I’ve come so close so many times, but always delay because “of my kids”. They are an excuse for being afraid to make the ultimate choice. I’ve done this for so many years. I’ve cut down and pulled out so many people who have followed through with their choice to die. Being a cop can suck at times. But. Good for them. It hurts to live, so die. Good for us.. It hurts to live, but, we continue on, for whatever […]
I was talking on here last night to exhausted, and mentioned that one of my neighbors had killed himself. I was the last person to see him alive. We all called him Bailey.
Bailey was a Vietnam vet, a “catch-up hippie” who never got to be part of the hippie movement but who embraced the ideals behind it with a passion once he got back from the war. I don’t know that much about his youth, but I do know who he became, and what he meant to all of us. Its kind of ironic, but Bailey was the hero of our little circle of friends, […]
We are all in the Hunger Games, the only difference is our names and faces
written by Crazypandachick
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
Growing up, I was that girl who always believed (and had been told) I was fat and ugly and that even makeup and surgery wouldn’t fix that (still have only worn makeup once in my life, and that was for a performance). I also embraced the label the perfectionist “nerd” and girl who hung out with the “weirdos” of the school (I love them <3), so I know what it is like to cop a lot of crap and be bullied. And even though I consider myself someone who doesn’t let verbal abuse affect them, I know what is is like to feel like crap […]
I have survived abuse, car accidents, living in gang riddin, drug-dealing neighborhood as a child, being married to a cop and having him take my kids and do weird/mind fuck type things to get back at me for leaving him, jail, drug addiction, homelesness, being outcasted from any blood family I new of (I didn’t grow up knowing family really). IDK I’ve been through a hell of alot and all I hear from people that I am strong and what am I gonna do with my life. “I have soo much potential” I’m told.
I’m sick of being here. I am sick of the […]
I’m only 13 years old and I self harm myself almost everyday. It all
when I was only 2 years old matter of fact I was not even 1. My
mother got MS and she lost her legs. The older I got the worst
everything become. I never went on a field trip or went to a friend’s
house to play. I had friends but the older I got the worst of friends I
got like the druggies, whores, bullies, liars, and abusives. When I
was in 6th grade I found a boy I liked tall, rocker, handsome, and
sweet. It was a thursday morning in the hallway when some of my
friends […]
I think this is it. A lot of beer in me. I’m ready. I’m not afraid. I’m only afraid of my future which would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with it. Texted a bunch of friends, it’s 3 am, why the fuck would they be texting me back? I had a great plan, a great plan full of what ifs. What if I found a job, what if I was happy, what if things would change the moment I moved 600 miles away. No, location doesnt change a thing. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m going to the park. […]
After doing a lot of research trying to help myself, i came to the conclusion that maybe i just need to start talking to anyone. I came across this website and thought an unbiased opinion might help. I’m going to try to summarize everything that’s been weighing heavily on me so please bare with me because i could use a strangers ears to listen. I have never wanted to be an unhappy person, even writing this right now feels somewhat like a cop out to me because im unable to handle it all on my own. The very beginning of my life started out in […]
My counselor told me to write a journal. Then give someone I trust to read it. The thing is, I didn’t say I trust no one. There is someone I do kinda trust. I know he wouldn’t have the time to read it though. He’s a cop, and married with kids. He can’t carry it home. He can’t read it at work. So when then.
I’m worried that he might judge, or be over sympathetic after first being horrified that children actually go through shit, and people still walk around after pain.
I was molested by my brother. He was abused everyday by a schizophrenic mother. I […]
As with most things lately a lot of shit is spoiling my plans for self deliverance but something happened a couple of hours ago that was more shit, but kind of funny.
I was in my basement cleaning an old M1 Garand Rifle that I need to sell to get some money, when I heard a loud banging on my door; no one calling just banging on the front and back door. I figured it was either my landlord or some other bill collector so I did not answer the door and just hid…as usual.
After a few minutes, it stopped and I went upstairs to the […]
Chapter Two of my story, which began with, “On Wednesday Night, I broke.”
On Friday, December 2, I attempted suicide. I hung myself by my neck with a cable TV coax strung through a metal shelf. I failed, because I was startled by an unexpected sensation of falling. I told my wife, and she called my mother, and the two of them put me on a sort of informal “suicide watch”. This is what happened after that.
On Sunday, my mother came over and spent most of the day with me. She’s a former cop and detective sergeant in the […]
In 1998, I decided I no longer wished to live…all because of some man who I loved who did not love me back. I think a part of me wanted to live and just wanted to cry out for help. The reason I say this is because I was on the phone talking with a crisis councelor telling him I was about to kill myself. He asked me where I live and I refused to tell him. I didn’t know he could trace the whereabouts of my call but, I am glad he did. I took this bottle of Klonopin…1 mg a tablet and swallowed […]
I am maladjusted to this bad commercial called “Life”. The thought of being just another person makes me sick. There is always someone smarter, more talented, better looking, stronger, faster, and the list goes on ad nauseum. I guess happy people take one of two roads: 1)They constantly reassure themselves either knowingly or not, that they are this great value, this special person, this one-of-a-kind individual, or 2)They resign to being a pleasure-seeking mammal…The only thing that is true and everlasting is death, and on this side of the grave, there is not a thing a person can do that holds real value except suicide. […]