I have 5 sisters. My imperfections used to be guarded by my older sister, she’s 18. She rebelled against my family, did very unfortunate things, and next to her I was perfect. Then she was kicked out of the house. With her gone, all my imperfections came to light. I now sit between two perfect sisters. One is 23, the other 15. I am 17 and next to them I feel worthless. They are always better than me. They love better than me, they are more fun than me, and they have a better personality than me. At least that’s what my parents make clear. I will never be as perfect as them. My parents will never love me like they love them.
But I’m sorry for my parents, because I wouldn’t change for the world. If they knew how strong of a person I have become, I know they would be proud. My sisters don’t know how to think for themselves, but I do. I know how to have my own opinion, how to do what’s right, even if it goes against the crowd. I have 2 little sisters that are 13; they are twins and become more like me every day. My parents hate that they share so many of my opinions, they say I brainwash them. It upsets me sometimes to see my parents so disappointed that they are like me. We have an inseparable bond, and the way they look up to me is amazing. I am my own person, whether my parents like it or not.
Sometimes I forget that having my own opinions is a good thing. I forget that perfection is simply an illusion. I cry myself to sleep because I hate thinking about how my parents look at me. But the thing is, for an entire year I chased perfection. I tried starving for perfection, throwing up for perfection, cutting for perfection. Then I realized, you can chase perfection for a lifetime and you will never achieve it.
I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of the morals I have and the people I have relationships with. For a while I lost sight of that, I tried living for someone other than me.
Now, I’m recovering, for me. Although it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, it is the most amazing feeling in the world.
2 comments
Don’t ever chanqe,stay aaawwwesome!I don’t really know you personally but so far I think your qreat!Don’t waste your tears on them!Your younq,you qot your whole life to prove your parents wronq!
One more thinq,stay aaawwwesome;)
You are brave. And I wil tell you something that you’ve probably worked out by now: life is hard for people who think for themselves, who stand out from the crowd. The world caters for sheep. An that might be why your parents disaprove – not because you’re not ‘good enough’ but because they are trying to protect you from a difficult path. They don’t understand that you can only be you, an you don’t get a choice in who you are. So don’t hold it against them and dont take it out on yourself. Just be true to yourself and it will be ok.