Selfish? I think not!

Is it really selfish to kill oneself because you’ve had a lifetime of misery? Why is it ok to force someone to withstand many numerous years of unending misery to save a few people a few days or weeks of pain? I am a suicide survivor myself. I was 15 when my mother took her own life, and yes, I have remained angry with her for the last 13 years, but that was different. She had a 15 year old child and a 6 year old child she was responsible for. I have no children whatsoever, and don’t intend to have any. I recently tried to save someone special. An ex, whom I am still in love with, and I showed her PROOF that her current S/O is not only cheating on her but also USING her and she doesn’t seem to care. So I was sure I wanted to just say goodbye, but as soon as I did I couldn’t take the pain. I sliced up my arm pretty bad and couldn’t stop crying. I am NOT a liar and she knows it, but nobody wants to believe my truth. I recently came into possession of my mother’s belongings, and happened to have the.note she left. And honestly, I feel EXACTLY the same. I am so tired of messing up everything I do. Everyone I come into contact with’s lives. I am 28 years old and have NEVER been able to do anything right. I think it would be me doing everyone a favor if I just ended it now. Hell my so called friends who claim to care don’t even have time to be there for me when I need them. I think I need to just do everyone a favor and exit. Stage right. Everyone thinks it is selfish. I think it is a favor.