Standing on the Edge

I’m freaking out. I want something to wake me up. I want somebody to notice my lies. I want somebody to realize that I’m destroying myself. I want people to realize that I’m not okay.

I want to stop lying to myself. I want to stop thinking that it’s not okay to feel. I want to be able to cry and not feel like an ungrateful ****, because sometimes I don’t want to exist.

I want to remember what it is to be happy. I want to be able to smile and not those half-assed smiles that make me hate myself, because I know it isn’t real. I want to stop pretending that I’m happy when all I want to do is just fucking cry. I want to stop thinking that the only way I can fully feel something other than apathy is by carving them into my own skin.

I want to stop standing on the edge. I hate feeling like I’m going to fall over at any given moment if even the slightest breeze comes my way.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and not cringe. I want to be able to look in the mirror and recognize the girl that’s looking back at me. I want to be able to recognize something else besides the emptiness that fills her eyes.

I want the strength to back away from the edge, because… I finally feel like I’m worth saving.