tired as hell

well im a thirty three year old single man who has no real friends,i did not go to the military and i did not go to a four year college after highschool,as a matter of fact i dropped out of highschool, i got a GED and i went to community college,ive have been in and out of school for the past 14 years……whats worse is that i became a recluse christian type of person when i was in my best years nineteen through twenty-one,i started trying to live at twenty-six years old after being into a repressive christian life and i traded my sense of humor for deep knowledge or whatever……still in college im now in shit load of debt and my major does not guarantee me a job at all in this economy,im am poor as shit and women younger ones especially want to use me, my fake ass friends only want to compete and brag about their lives and all our lives are crap. i wasnt popular in highschool so the few people that remember me just want me on their status as a number and to see where ive gone and what ive become which is nothing…..i try to reach out to some of the people i meet in passing but no one wants to connect. my isolation is becoming unbearable seeing that age and time are a reality to me now. i cant relate to women because i traded my sense of humor and fun loving personality in for boring ass things….i live in fear of death and hell because of the christian dogma that i studied in my youth.i hope for a better tomorrow but nothing changes.i am now so afraid of everything tired lonely and depressed,then i think about how much worse it could be and all of those people whose lives may be worse then i feel even worse about my bitching and whining…..the agony…too tired too weak just wanna it to be over want to leave in my sleep not horrible or awful though