My girlfriend is leaving for camp right now, for a week, with no communication and without me. I’d love to go with her – I tried to, but my parents lagged signing me up for the camp, until finally we missed the deadline.
My parents keep telling me, “It’s only a week – you two spend too much time together anyway, you’ll survive,” but that doesn’t stop me from crying. I love her, and I miss her. We rely on each other to take care of each other, since both of our lives are overwhelming shitpiles. Just the thought of a week with absolutely no communication with her kills me inside.
I know she’ll come back, and she’ll be having the time of her life this week. She’s been going to this camp for 6 years, and she looks forward to it every year.
This year, she’s taking my jacket and my blanket I’ve had since I was a baby, and I’m keeping her baby blanket and her band bracelets from Hot Topic she couldn’t bring with her. Having her blanket makes it easier to cope – instead of Katie hugs, I wrap her blanket around me. Instead of her wiping my tears away, I wipe my eyes with her blanket. Instead of her sleeping in my arms, I hug her blanket to my chest until my heart doesn’t feel so hurt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYxDafrZruo (this is our song)
Part of why this absense scares me so much is because since I’ve started dating Katie and smoking weed, I’ve only cut myself once, maybe twice, and I haven’t tried to kill myself again. Cutting used to be a regluar, at least monthly thing for me, and suicide used to be constantly on my mind. I don’t want her to come back to me all cut-up and/or dead. (I’m going to go through so much pot this week…)
I know this all sounds sappy, but a week without her is a pure week in hell.