My mum used to be my best friend. While I was attending high school, we used to commute together, so we grew really close, spending two hours in the car together every day. When we stopped commuting, it wasn’t as easy, but we still spent a lot of time together. I felt like I could tell her anything. My brother is verbally abusive to me, and she has always been there to help me handle him.
Ever since she started dating, though, it’s like I’ve fallen off the face of the planet. She works during the week and will go to his place after an hour or so of being home, and stay the night there. She now spends the entire weekend at his place. She keeps telling me she’ll make time for me, but whenever we manage to get time together, she ends up texting or calling her boyfriend.
I’ve tried to talk to her, but every time I say anything, we’ll spend a few hours together, and then everything goes right back to the way it was. I really like the guy she’s dating. He’s super nice, and makes my mum happy. I don’t want that relationship to end. I just want to feel like I haven’t been cast aside. My depression has gotten worse. I feel like I’m drowning, and no one cares enough to help me.
I know I’m an adult now. I’ll be turning 20 in a couple of months. But does being responsible and independent mean I just have to lose my mother and best friend completely?
4 comments
no its not to mcuh toask, have youacctualy said to her youare feeling more deppressed, your happy she is in a good relationship but all youwant is a little time each week where its just youand her and not phoning or texting him.?
You will never lose her. Ok i will turn the table. Say you got a girl friend. You would spend time with her. Right.
no – you are not “losing your mom’ but you are an adult now – and it’s time to start acting like one – like a baby bird is kicked out of the nest and forced to fly – it’s now time for you to spread your wings and soar … clearly you had a very close relationship and the transition from parent/child relationship to parent/adult relationship is going to be a bit rough until it settles into a new routine – but that doesn’t mean the love and care has changed
It’s time to give your mom respect and space an adult women, who has give you 110% of her best to raise you, deserves to enjoy the fruits and freedoms of her labor – and trust me, being a parent to a minor child is a 26 hour a day job – i don’t care how ‘great” the relationship is – it’s a draining sacrifice for a parent
I suggest taking her to lunch and having a clear discussion to set up a schedule for you two to have quality time … maybe one full afternoon each week to shop and have fun ending with dinner say, on sunday … have a mid week dinner or happy hour evening for a couple hours like wednesday … and one or two phone calls between visits – kept to a minimum time like 10-15 minutes.
it’s your turn to “sacrifice for her happiness – let her enjoy her new relationship without making her feel like she is the “prize” in the middle of a competition
daddy dawg
It’s not so much to ask. Dawg offered a great idea. Make a schedule with her. Spend 1-2 days each week together alone. I wish you the best 🙂 Goodluck <3