almost died maybe i will or wont get it right next time

you know this world is truely fucked up.I cant wait til my next time to off myself.I came so close to death a couple days and i got scared as hell that i was probably die.Now i realize maybe dying and fear is a natural thing you experience when you die.Theres no way as darkness starts to cover you that you wouldnt want to turn back no matter what you say.Anyway i took twelve sleeping pills and they saved my ass.The psychiatrist is like are you going to be safe to go home and i told her not at the second but in a week or two id do it again.Obviously ive been let out and obviously i didnt learn my lesson cause im plottin again only this time ill slit my wrist with my moms box cutters.
my therapist thinks she can enforce rules and tell me how and what to think.Well fuck her.I went in there today and i just agreed with everything she said.No use arguing she wouldve argued back until making a point.My therapist is like a fucking bully she wants to be right about everything.Im just glad i only have to put up with her for another year maybe even less once im dead.
I shouldnt even have talked to the stupid psychiatrist at the er.Theres going to be a lot of guilt when i slit my wrist cause almost no one did shit to save me fuck i didnt do shit to really save myself.I saw my psychiatrist two days ago.Pretty much even she condeemed me to death.So now all im doing is waiting it out.My death day is coming.And it almost feels like fate destiny so it cant be stopped its just meant to be,