being brought up in a Catholic family, I came to believe that Jesus is real. Even though I pray, evil gets the better of me, and I can’t stop. When I sit in a Church, it being silent, although overwhelming in some way or another, I pull back my sleeves and tears stream down over my scars. I hear some kind of voice pleading “Please stop. You’re too beautiful for harm.” And for a second I believe, and some kind of hope enters my thoughts, but as I leave through the doors of God’s house, that’s it. I don’t care. And the cycle continues.
I dont know why I’m like this. probably cos of peoples shit over the years, that has built me into  a stronger person. always being defensive and closed up, because i’m scared of being hurt again.  but then again, i’m too weak to fight fuckers like them so i give up.
2 comments
Anyone who manages to live with depression/suicidal thoughts for any amount of time is certainly not weak. Don’t give up, you’ve made it this far keep going.
Who are the people you’re scared to fight?
thanks for your reply. at least someone cares.
im only knew to this website, and i feel that i can get alot of things off my chest. im only 14 so i do have trouble with friends at school, as most people do.
people are so fake to me, always shutting me out and shit, and i do have a past of being bullied and having to pay people money just so they could accept me, for lets say the time of a basketball game. people always use me for my money. the only reason i have money is because my fucking parents neglect me heavily, never having time to even have dinner or anything. so they shut me up with money and send me on my fucking merrily way. and then bitches come along, see me with cash, and plead for me to buy them shit. and the reason im scared to fight and say no, is because they are the only friends, strictly business. theyll act nice because i buy them shit. i believe i have spent over 2000 dollars on other peoples needs my whole entire life. im not generous, im weak, only because i dont want to lose the business. i have someone to talk to at least for that period of time. and yes i do believe i cant overcome this difficulty. why cant people accept me as a person and not as a bank? its really hard