why am i here?

Why am I here?  That is the question i have been asking myself lately.  I just don’t get it.  I feel like God is just keeping me here as entertainment. My mom is pregnant and felt like she was going to have the baby early, so she was in the hospital and got to come home yesterday.  I had soccer practice, but i feel slow and tired so i haven’t been playing good.  It just feels like the world is moving without me. All my family does anymore is yell. My dad says it’s my fault we fight, but couldn’t give me any reasons why it’s my fault.  I walked to get some frozen yogurt after dinner. My dad had just got done yelling at me so i just wanted out of the house.   So i walked down town to get frozen yogurt. I paid, walked out of the store to see my brother sitting at a table outside. I was a little shocked at first, then i just got mad because he told me my dad made him follow me all the way there. I was so annoyed. When i walk to the park i want to get away from my family not find my brother out side of a frozen yogurt store. So then i had to deal with him the whole way back.  He is seriously the most annoying person i have ever met and all he says is i hate you, or Brandon you’re a retard. My mom just agrees with what ever everyone else says or comments and makes everything worse for me.  I just moved and no one talks to me.  Or they make rude comments and treat me like im stupid. When i told my dad i was going for a walk he said, “hey why don’t you call some friends and hang out with people for once.”  I felt like saying ” you know i don’t have friends”.   I just think that if everyone hates me why am i still here?  I think about suicide all the time and have attempted it 4 times, i think. (sorry i’ve kinda lost track) I cut or burn myself every night. (it’s kinda become  a habit)  Cutting helps, the physical pain distracts me from the emotional and mental pain i have. I  just feel so lost and my dad expects me to be perfect (I’m not and never will be), my mom want’s me to make my dad happy (sorry but he’s never happy and he hates me), and my brother just wants me to disappear (hey what a coincidence because i want to disappear). I feel hated by so many people. some girl i don’t even know called me an asshole because im mad at her friend. I am kinda mad at him because i am depressed and need to talk to him but he only wants to talk about pretty little liars ( like I’m going to watch that) and post everything that happens to him on his facebook wall. He post something new everyday about oh my boyfriend broke up with me, and now my life is over, (you guys lived like two hours away from each other), some one was mean to me today :/ (cody some one is mean to you everyday and then i have to hear about it, EVERYDAY!) it is really annoying and i told him how i felt and he gets mad and says he is disappointed and told me im a selfish jerk.  And said he was a attention whore and that it’s none of my business.   I feel so alone at my new town. i really just want to open my eyes and finally see that my life was all a dream. I just want to be gone. I have no point in being here. There are tons of people in the world it isn’t going to matter if im gone.
Sorry if this just seemed like pointless rambling and ranting. But if you have advice im glad to here it.

Thanks for reading 😐