I used to think I would find love one day. Now I just think I’m unfit for it. I’ve never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, or anything. I would even settle for a girlfriend at this point, if she cared about me. I’m not sure if I’m a lesbian. I’m so confused. Whenever I look at other women I think they are prettier and more appealing than men… but I still am attracted to the opposite sex. Does this make any sense? It doesn’t matter though, because I can’t even make friends. All my friends last for one semester of college, then I don’t see them again. I feel like if I had someone in my life I wouldn’t want to die anymore.
I have no idea what I’m doing in college. I still live with my parents and am afraid to get out of the house. I spend the time I’m not in class doing homework and worrying about my future. I’m afraid of people. I’m afraid to get a job (even though I know it would help). I’m afraid to talk to my teachers even when I’m doing well. I’m afraid of chemistry. Everything scares me so much. I don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t think I’m smart enough, but my parents keep pushing me into it. Now I’m stuck as a biology major when I wanted to be an English major. If I can’t get into a med school somewhere, what am I going to do? If I do get in, there’s no way I’ll survive. I don’t even have a basic social life, or anyone to talk to about my problems. Whenever meet new people, I try to smile and be friendly, but few end up liking me or responding positively. I annoy some people and make others dislike me, but I have No Idea why. I think it might be that my facial expressions are strange or I stammer too much. Or maybe I’m just that ugly!
I’m afraid to get a therapist because I had one once and she was Pure Evil. I didn’t tell her I was suicidal, but if I had, I’m pretty sure she would have tried to get me committed to a psych ward. She told my mom things I said that I didn’t. One time after a session, she asked my mom about how I was a bully right in front of my face. I was literally standing next to her. I had told her some things about how I was bullied in high school, so it seemed like she was trying to seriously upset me. She also charged 90 dollars per session, and I’m not even sure if she had a license. I don’t want to go through that again, but I Really Desperately Need to talk to someone I can Trust. Sorry if that was long. 🙁
2 comments
Hi – and welcome to SP – in response to you question on the other thread you posted on – new users kind of go through a short waiting period for their comments to require moderation by the thread owner – i don’t know how long it is – i think a day maybe two … if the post owner does not moderate – it will automatically approve in 24 hours i think.
the chat and he forum are two separate entities – the forum (here) in the place to post feeling and detailed question and responses – the chat is more of a social for lighter banter and general discussions at a faster pace – it was added to keep the forum from getting clogged with off-topic banter but discussions can get serious deep and sometimes heated. each place is moderated separately – the person whose post you commented on is a know abrasive instigating troll in the chat room – he has only posted his spin of his side of the story – he does this a lot to cause ill will and dissension.
feel fee to check out the chat – but give it a chance – introduce yourself and get to know the people and how the talk before assuming everyone is bad or good – there’s plenty of good people and a few not so much – we try to give everyone a chance – repeatedly.
sorry this does not address your actual post but i hope you find his information helpful
welcome wagon dawg
“Whenever I look at other women I think they are prettier and more appealing than men”
I agree women are much prettier then men! they may be siily but they sure are fun! be brave straykitten the GODS GIVE THERE LOVE TO THE BRAVE! There is nothing to fear except fear it’s self.