Hope

There was a time years ago when I was so depressed, I cried myself to sleep every night but everyday, I smiled. I was a clown who couldn’t wash off her make-up. I didnt really know myself, a girl I was “in love” with broke my heart, lied to me and led me on. And yes, it sent me further into depression. I did some drugs, pills. I drank some, vodka. But really, what depressed me the most is everyone thought I was fine and looking back now, I know thats what really bothered me. My family thought I was fine, hell, everyone thought I was fine. I cut myself, a good few times. I still remember the relief. I have the scars today to prove it. I dont really remember what happened to wake me up, to make my life meaningful again. I’ll be honest, I dont remember having a giant moment of clarity. I just know I overcame. I prevailed. Today, I am not the happiest girl in the world, I am alot happier than I used to be;I dont cut. I wont go back to that. Things happen to me and I cry and every once in a while the thought will cross my mind like a long forgotten sin, but I refuse, If you’re struggling now, I understand how you feel. But also, I know, if you let yourself be happy you will be. Spend some time learning yourself, learning to love yourself…I know, I know, it sounds lame, but it works.