My whole life I’ve always thought of  myself to be this “good girl”. Like success was the only option and I was so confident that I’d get the whole “storybook” lifestyle. And I’m not someone who believes things are handed to you so I knew there would be some hardships but I just don’t think anyone should go through such constant disappointments. I think I’ve reached my limit, I’ve completely lost myself. Nothing I do makes any sense to me But I just can’t stop it. I just want to be happy, but I never can. I’ve always been a good student but I’m flunking out of college. I used to want to wait for marriage to have sex but I’m having sex all the time. I can’t keep a relationship, can’t find a good guy and I can’t stop eating because of it. I’m getting so freaking fat and I hate it. I’m hating myself and I know I have so much potential to be something but I just can’t find it anymore. Only thing people want me around for is money, sex or to find a good party. The craziest thing is I believe that’s all I’m good for. The only thing that helps me cope is drugs and I just can’t stop. It’s started with marajuana but now I’m on to pills. And I drink just about every night. I’m to the point now where I don’t have the strength to try anymore and I’m slowly killing myself with all the drugs and alcohol anyway so I might as well just save time and end this damn life already. I just don’t have the strength yet but I’m getting there. Just thought I’d vent someone let someone know. I have so many “friends” and no one to talk to. No one to relate to me. If anyone could help me find happiness again I figured it could be someone who has a similar story like me and could help me out.
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Hi there. I must say I’m not the one with a similar story, but surely here are some people who are. Search for them.
But here is what I see from your post.
Once there was a time when you believed in yourself, when you were working on achieving your goals and I think you knew what being happy or okay means. And that means a lot, means that you are not lost, that you are in a bad phase and it will pass.
Sounds like you’ve disappointed yourself.
You’ve gotta stop reducing yourself to just a good party for others. You are so much more. So stop thinking like that and stop acting like that. Forgive yourself for fucking up things and little by little start working on something you wish for. You can do it.
So don’t try to come up with strength for killing yourself, come up with the strength to pick yourself up from a bad place you’ve fallen in.
The drugs, alcohol, too much food is your way to cope right now. Try to find another way, talk to someone with a similar experience to see how they got trough it or talk to a professional to find a better way.
I wish all the best for you,
tralala
SimplyConfused, that sounds like kinda me..granted, I’m not in college, I’m actually getting a little better now, but clearly, you realize where you’re going. What I recommend is – as scary as it may be – try to find a counselor. That’s pretty much the only reason I’m still here. I promise, find a good one and they help so much!