I wonder if I am talking to myself.
I cannot remember a day when I have not thought about suicide. Someone wise stated that thoughts of this kind are solace, they get one through many a bad night.
Extraordinarily lonely. Have been unable to call out for help. Helium or pills? Both perhaps? Add some cutting and alcohol.
Oddly, I think I am amazing at concealing how I feel. I am exhausted. I would so, so, so love a hug.
Pathetic really.
Scared of a failing. Scared of panic. Can’t be bothered with the suicide note thing. Guess I am maturing. Dead silence.
2 comments
My problem is I always downplay how bad it is when talking to others, I rushed myself to a hospital because I thought I was going to kill myself and when I got there I couldnt even bring it up and left feeling just as bad. Im not sure what it is but I cant help it, it feels like I say “no it can wait, sombody else deserves the help more than me’ regardless of the urgency. As soon as I go to the doctor and complain about the stomach pain I say it hurts often and badly, I dont mention that it burns like fire and makes me want to slit my throat.
Please don’t do this to yourself. Get help with your mental illness.