Confused. That’s the feeling which describes me the most. I’m male, 22, and I’m currently engaged in a Master Degree. I had depressions before, I also had suicidal thoughts before, but I never tried it. I don’t fear my death, on the contrary, the idea itself is very pleasant to me, but I simply can’t decide wether I kill myself or not.
I know I’m responsible for all mistakes I’ve made. Problem is that I’m the failure. I feel like I shouldn’t stay alive because I’m a pain for everyone who surrounds me. I do have some friends, my parents are divorced, but fine, and they are the only reason which holds me back on my decision. I know killing myself is the right thing to do, but, why can’t I do it? Am I such a coward for not doing what I need to do?
All these things keep going into my head and I become even more confused. I already have the things I need to get rid of myself, but I simply can’t. I think this is the only way for me to rest. I’m tired of it all and nothing matters. I want and I deserve to die. If I had the strenght to do it before, everybody around me would be much better now because I wouldn’t be there to screw up their lives, to hold them back and to be such a disaster and failure I’d become.
Maybe I’ll soon get the courage needed to commit suicide and accomplish the only right thing in my life, then, it will be past and everybody will be happy after all.
2 comments
I’m confused too. Supposedly it’s the depression making us not think clearly.
I don’t think you’re a coward. It’s hard to kill yourself! Researching methods is confusing too, and scary to see the possible repercussions of failure.
its worth it. go to school,you can!