i am exhausted.

I swear, I have lead bones. they weigh me down. I promise you, I have water in my lungs. I drown all the time. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve never known why and that is the worst part. I live in a happy family and i’m the dark cloud. i’m the rain on their parade. I guess you could say I have a great life and looking at it from another point of view, I can see how that would be true. but I feel like I am dead on the inside. and I wish I was on the outside. I’m so tired of pretending and just waiting on something awful to happen. I want to die. but i’m too exhausted to get up and even try to do it. I would probally fail again anyways. the two times I tried to I failed. I know I am weak. but I have been through hell. it’s true I have been like this since I was young, but situations I’ve been in have made it worse. much worse.. i’m tired of being used up and put away. I’m tired of reliving my nightmares in my sleep. i’m tired of watching my family suffer because of me. i’m tired of being a burden on the people I love. i’m tired of pretending to be okay when i’m not. i’m tired of feeling this way.. I am exhausted with life, and I feel as if life is exhausted with me.