i’ve never been happy.
a lot of bad things have occurred in my life, same as everyone else, and i’m quite aware that many people have dealt with their situations a lot more admirably than i have, and i know that a lot of people have it off a lot worse than i do. i’m just shit at handling reality. i feel things too intensely and i’m always pissed off or sad about something. i get through it day to day in little ways; i know i have amazing people in my life and i really do enjoy the beautiful things around me.
it’s just that nothing seems to be enough. no matter how much i try to focus on the positive and happy things in my life, it never overshadows all the negative shit i focus on.
i don’t, repeat, DO NOT want to kill myself.
but i do want to die.
since i was a kid, i always had the notion that if you were truly unhappy in life, you should be able to just click an X at the top of the screen and escape it. i never thought it was fair that people didnt have another way to escape life besides suicide. to me, it always made sense that there are some people alive who simply had no desire to be.
i just feel like i’m constantly searching for a reason to be happy in life. and that it shouldnt be this hard.
i’m not aggressively depressed, i’m just increasingly apathetic.
anybody else?