The final choice?

The darkness is tangible,
I can feel it pressing all around me.
It feels like torturous pain,
it’s loneliness and despair,
it’s suffering and despite
it’s physical, i can feel it

I’m alone and yet I’m not
My family is downstairs,
my wife’s in the next room,
yet I’m the only person
in my reality.

I look through a pain of glass
at the world surrounding me.
I see life, I hear life, I sense life
Yet I have none.

It passes me by,
leaves me still and dead
I feel the cold of the grave
I long for that cold
to envelope me

I want no more of this
Please let it end
I can’t possibly go on forever
There has to be an end somewhere
Even if it’s my end
Please lt it be

there is no light left,
no colors anywhere,
it’s not shades of gray,
nor black and white
It’s only black
the blackness of death

I can’t do this anymore,
I just cannot go through this again.
Please I beg You God,
take this cup from me
I’m not your Son,
I don’t have the strength
to say Thy will be done

I can’t go through it yet again.
God damn it all!
It has to frigging stop!

Yet I say thank You for this release
At least by typing it the pressure
has vented and I can go on.
Yet do i want to go on?
Do i really want to?
When is enough too much?

Isn’t it okay to choose
eternal darkness, everlasting night?
The peaceful sleep,
the calm and peace of eternity?
Why is it wrong to make that choice?

I long for that peace,
the stillness of the grave
the calm and serenity,
no more thoughts,
no more pain,
no more fighting it,
no more anything.

Oh I am so tempted.