Thinking and Prevision

My name is Luke, and I want to share my suicide experience with you, for any chance of reading and really making you think about the decisions you are about to make.

Before I begin, remember that I do not know you, and it is your choice and yours only to take your life. It is a natural feeling to feel like this, and don’t let people tell you otherwise…they’re either in a shock state or they’ve missed a dose of their anxiety pills.

Anyways, now to start…

I had just started senior year, I was 17, had the girl of my dreams, was playing in a band, had some decent friends, and even was applying for some jobs here and there. That summer, my own father committed suicide. It was very devastating for me because it had been a rough time before, he had many problems drinking and using antidepressants, and he had also divorced my then-sane mother.

I hadn’t talked to him a few weeks when he committed suicide, which made me feel like it was me, that I was the cause of all this grief.

From that day that he took his life onto that crisp fall day, I had been breaking down more and more…it had been little things up to this day that kept building up…every last heavy brick weighing on my back…

At the time that I had attempted to take my life, my girlfriend and I had been fighting a lot over some personal issues, and we were almost getting burned out…I had been missing school because of some stomach-related problems, and i had been put on an antidepressant and some muscle relaxers. That day I stayed home, mom and I had fought back and forth a lot that morning, and then one of the worst fights I had with my girlfriend happened…

We had kept going back and forth, and eventually I had said something like, “I might as well kill myself”, that is when she said… “You don’t have the balls.” I immediately snapped, I broke my cell phone and grabbed all my muscle relaxers and took every last one.

62 50mg Klonopins were streaming in my stomach…I laid in my bed and passed out. I awoke in a different place, it looked like space, only my father was there, telling me to stop fucking around, and I needed to take care of my girlfriend. Eventually I awoke at the hospital.

I had been in-and-out of conciousness for about 3 days, after being force-fed charcoal. After those 3 days, I was sent to the local Youth’s Mental Clinic, as my state has a law for attempted suicide, stating that the victim must be sent to a facility until a doctor can show that said victim is stable enough to be released.

It took 9 days, but I dd get released. I wrote my girlfriend every day, and she wrote me as well. The first day out, I gave her the biggest hug ever, with tears down our faces, I gave her my word that I’d never do it again.

We became much stronger, and now we’re both 19, have a kid on the way, and are living together, soon-to-be married.

Anyways, that was my experience. I was lucky to come out of there with no long term effects, Btl there is a point behind this.

The state of mind that you are in right now, it is your mind attempting to give up, when you hold that bottle of pills, put that gun to your head, or whatever method, your mind will ultimately either stop you, or et you proceed. If you live, you obviously still have a purpose to fulfill, you still have things that need to be done, a life to live. And always know this: somewhere, out in the world, there is someone who needs you. Family member, spouse, pet, or even a stranger, there will always be someone who will need you.

There isn’t a whole lot I can say at this point in time. We may or may not cross paths in life, but whatever you choose, it is your choice, no one else’s.