I Still Don’t Know…

Of course, I want to like Trevor. But there’s always something in the back of my mind that says I shouldn’t. Oh well. Said voice can find a new hobby. I mean, I’ve realized that Trevor is pretty awesome. But if he doesn’t like me, then good for him. I’m not saying that I’ll be completely mad and thinking that I’m better than him, ’cause I’m not. All humans are equal, except in their acts. I mean, you can’t say that you’re equal to Hitler in acts unless you did the same things he did. But Trevor hasn’t done anything bad that I know of, so we’re both equal. Anyway, I used to think that Trevor was too good for me, but then I realized, with the help of my two best friends, that my previous thoughts weren’t true, and they were actually pretty stupid. I take that back, they were completely stupid. Anyway, I’m very thankful for my best friends, Jamie and Hailey, because they’re the ones that have tried their very best to help me. This whole year, through both ups and downs, they’ve both tried to help me and to be there for me. I’m pretty sure that if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here right now. I would’ve killed myself. I kind of tried to the other day.. I mean, I almost tried to. I pressed my knife against my wrist, and started to cut, but I pulled it back. I realized that I had a lot to live for. Besides, if Trevor doesn’t like me, there’s a whole lot of other guys that I’m pretty sure like me. (I might sound self-centered, but I’m not. Not that much, anyway)  I mean, there’s.. Hm. Hang on, and I’ll try to think of a list of guys that I’m pretty sure they like me. Here: Garrett, Logan, Drew, ummmmm…… Tanner, and I guess that’s all. That’s still a lot. I think Garrett and Tanner like me because they both play with me all the time (Like, they try to get on my nerves) It might sound mean, but I know they’re playing. I think that Logan and Drew like me because.. Well, last year, I liked Drew for some reason. He’s kinda goofy, though. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with him, I just don’t really like him anymore.  Anyway, I think he might like me because every time I turn around, I find one of them looking at me. Anyway, I don’t know why, but I don’t really like any of the guys in my grade. I like a lot of guys that are in eighth grade, though. I don’t know why. I guess I just have a thing for older guys. Maybe it’s ’cause they’re more mature.. No, that’s not it. If it was, I wouldn’t like Trevor. Haha. He’s not all that mature, but he has a great sense of humor. My stomach was hurting by the time we left All-Region tryouts because he had made me laugh so freaking hard. He’s really sweet. But, he also will fight with a girl. I mean, he doesn’t, like, try to beat them up or anything, he just playfully fights. Which is fine with me, because I like to spar occasionally. Yeah, I’m weird. But I like me. Honestly. For once, I can look in a mirror and not see a girl that everyone should hate. I see a girl that people should like. I know that some people don’t like me, but that’s okay. I’m just not the type of person that they like. Oh well. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to say that for some reason. Oh, and I don’t think I have Appendicitis because my side isn’t hurting anymore. I mean, it might still be possible, but I’m hoping that I don’t.  I’ve had surgery before, but I’ve heard that abdominal surgery hurts really bad. Oh well. Anyways, Bye! I’ll probably be back on later. I’ve gotta find something to do with all this hope. Maybe I’ll save it for a rainy day. 😀