All my hope is gone… The little bit hope I had is gone. I really don’t think my life is ever going to be better. I’m fighting for more than 12 years now to get a better life where I can be real happy with, not fake happy. But in those 12 years, my life only got worse and worse… People say that when life is really terrible, it only could go better. Well, NO, it only can get worser!! (At least in my life) I wish I wasn’t on this earth anymore. I just want to die…. But I’m under controle right now. I may not go outside on my own anymore, and I may not be alone at home, and all that kind of stuff. I may also not travel by train and they are constantly checking and trying to make promisses that I won’t try killing myself. Yeah right, like IF I would make that promiss, I will keep it. Well, NO. If I want to kill myself, I’m going to kill myself, not any promiss will keep me away from it. Also my therapists are like focussing on the fact I want to commit suicide. I had today 4 conversations with different therapists of my suicidal thoughts and plans. Yeah, that will stop me from thinking about suicide!! (NOT) And then I got home and when I was a few minutes home, my parents started to ask me what was wrong. The therapists called my parents and explained the whole situation.
Really, is it so difficult to understand I don’t want to talk about it?!
Yeah, you can guess it, today was a GREAT day!
(Watch out, the last sentence may contain a large level of SARCASM)