I’ve just written a suicide note. I’m really scared. I want saving so badly but I now nothing nor no-one can fix me. No one cares for me, they just pretend to. No one would miss me, not after a little while. It’s really not that I want to die, I just want to stop feeling this excruciating pain. I’m so alone. So frightened. And I have no one.
I started cutting myself to make myself better, see I have this incredible sister. She’s amazing. Perfect. Outstanding grades, über talented, gorgeous and the nicest person in the world. And then there’s me. The fuck-up. I started giving myself a cut for every mark under an A i got in essays and exams. Then I cut myself when I accidentally offended somebody. Then it was every time I ate.
I had a stranger danger incident last year, nothing happened in the end as somebody came around the corner, but I haven’t the house alone since.
I hate my life and have not felt happiness for many months. I’ve noticed all the imperfections in this world and now there is no going back. My life will forever be THIS. And I don’t want to put myself through any more of it. I want to end it, on my own terms. I want to be happy again. And the only way to do that is by dying.
6 comments
I know you’re going to think so, but how you really tried to look for something to stay for? I know depression can let you ignore things. I know how it feels to be alone and for nobody to care, I really do, I can’t escape that feeling, but if you want, I can talk to you, and care about you as a friend! I don’t want to ever allow someone to feel as alone as I sometimes do. If your frightened does that mean that you truly want death? Hey, I don’t respect myself anymore than you respect yourself, but I imagine you have at the very least, a shred of what your sister does. You know, just from reading this I can tell that you’re mature and honest and insightful, you have good qualities, and to be successful you just need to use your qualities to your advantage. And who doesn’t want to be happy? That’s why it’s in my username! *and tell me to shut up if I’m asking too many personal things. You seem like a nice person, I wish you lots of luck regardless of what you do. 🙂
God, I am there. I was supposed to dis as a baby and my father told my mother it was ok they could try again. But I lived. And she never really loved me–she only loved who she wanted me to be. There is no one who would remember after a couple of weeks I was gone. OMG. If I’m hijacking your post I’m so sorry. I only mean to say I get it.
Sorry for the iPhone typos–that was supposed to be die
I don’t want death, but I can’t see any other choice, I HAVE to stop feeling like this. Words cannot cure me, only actions. Thankyou for trying to be kind Vacated Happiness, but if you met me you’d know how little there is of me to offer, it’s no exaggeration when I say I am worthless.
You’ve got it there Lost Margaret, ‘she only loved who she wanted me to be’. They still expect me to turn out like her but they haven’t faced the fact that I am the one who will burn and crash.
@Deathofme Sorry, I haven’t had a chance to reply. I understand, but I’m sure that you have something good inside of you. You can feel worthless to yourself, but you can be worth a lot to others, that’s something that could happen. If I met you I’m sure I’d think you are a nice person! 🙂 Well I’m here if you ever want anything.
Emailed you! 🙂 hope you see it! 🙂