Garrett’s moving. I’m never going to see him again. It just makes me want to tell him how I feel… But I just can’t. I won’t be hurt again. I refuse. I deserve better. I fucking deserve better than what I’ve got. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. Â Or maybe I don’t. I mean, how much can be taken away before I have nothing? I feel like I’m completely gone already. I feel like my heart’s been cut out. Ripped out, more like. I just want Garrett… I really do. But he’s gone. Today was his last day. I should have told him. But I […]
Monthly Archives
March 2013
I’m tired of being so depressed that it makes me feel tired all the time even when i’ve had more than enough hours needed for a good night’s sleep (which rarely happens for me), i’m tired of trying to be strong, i’m tired of having suicidal thoughts, i’m tired of pretending everything is ok, i’m tired of worrying about the future and scared, i’m tired of living the life I live right now.
I got my first job today and i completely blew it because of my stupid anxiety. I HATE IT! It literally ruins my life like everyday. I’m such a failure and I got in everyone’s way, and I messed up orders and miscalculated. I need to get my shit straight before I jump in head first for something.
I just want to be normal.
Sorry….this isn’t about a gun. It’s about how my mind is locked on self harm, and everyone else is loaded with words to makes me bleed. I don’t even know what I did to deserve any of this…I mean I guess I know not everyone is gonna like me, but I know not everyone has a right to hate me. I wish I didn’t have to say I was being bullied, that makes me seem weak, but the degrading words are killing me slowly…so maybe I am..weak..
In a constant tension. Things getting worse and worse. Can’t stop it. Nerves. Want to just get out of this trembling place, and go nowhere further. Tired of thinking, suppressing emotions. Frightened. Can not stand it. No more. Throughout my childhood I felt it, waves of strong pity and fright.Nerves. It all deepening, thickening inside myself…No hope. No soul power anymore.
Do not know why am I writing those meaningless words, shivering. Mechanically writing … wherever.
I thought time was supposed to heal wounds. After two years my wound has festered and become infected. The poison seeps through my veins, into my heart, and then to my brains. What a wretched, vile and putrescent  sickness that has overcome me. It seems time will only make it stronger
I believe that the universe is like an impossible puzzle. When you look up into the glittering night sky, you see the echo of humanity stretched out, imprinted in the stars. It’s endless, and maddening. It’s why when you stare for too long, you feel insignificant while also believing that you live in the most fantastic creation, shaped by beautiful thoughts. Maybe when we die, we shatter. Bits of ourselves go out into the sky to become fragments of stardust among the constellations, finally beautiful.
had a thought today what if i did actually kill myself? one of my siblings or my mother finding me? then telling the whole family/close people relating to my death..tears streamed down my face, yes i do feel sad at times and suicidal and when turning to God i feel He isn’t helping me…although God has a plan for me and things happen for a reason..i cannot see or feel that things are picking up but seeing hurt upon my mother’s eyes? even though i would be dead..my mother going through life with pain and hurt from losing a child, her baby who grew in […]
fter to day n shit nothings looking good i feel like iv goy nothing no frends nothing no fags nothing
alone
frigtend
no frends
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
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So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees […]
its fryday and thers a girl crying in the boys bog and i realise people are so crule that im sick of them can you help me help her ples
written by why i dont no
right ill explane thers a amercn who has just come to are school for gcses FOT resons unkonwn to me and beeing a all boy school evrey time shes arownd evrey one acts like thave never see girl befor but as this grue old that startid to bulley her and this must hve gon to far because today she was in the boy lav crying her eyes out and cuting so i lock the door and put my mate out side to stop people coming in
“fuck off”
“love im not going to do aney thing to you nor am i going aney were till you tell me whats up” i […]
To be honest all I want to do right now is die, and I feel this way every time things get hard for me because everything around me starts to get affected like my health,school work,etc. Right now I’m not doing too well in school I guess because  I’m feeling worse and when I see a bad grade I just feel like I don’t care because everything isn’t alright silly I know but I am doing work just not as much effort. I remember searching for ways to treat my depression everything to the symptoms  and  saying I’d deal with it on my own […]
I am glad I found this site. I am relieved at being able to express my feelings here. It’s bad that so many people are in such deep pain, like me… But it is good to know that people here understand this deadly pain. You are special to me. You who keep this site running. You who offer to talk personally. Especially you on the Chat whom I have a special place in my heart. Thank you for the happiness. I truly love you for you.
Stay Real
thes songs help me throw time hope that you find the same cofort that i have
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADgCYjAtRUY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3PSX6ogpFY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uW88_nkEw9A
love you xx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCnf2IFglDs
He left me for a 16 year old. together for 5 years. been through everything imaginable. He asked if I would be okay dating him if he was with her too. He wants two girlfriends. says he can’t lose me but he’s going to pursue her. He even shows me the sweet texts they send each other.
I said I would be okay with it.
I would be the other girl. as long as he paid more attention to me.
It’s been two days and he hasn’t called or returned my texts. So I’m done now. I was not in the mental state to be […]
no matter how hard i try to succeed i ALWAYS fail. I revise solidly then when the grades come up? FAIL making me slip into suicide thoughts deeper…what if i just ended my life..how easy would it be ? death…although they say death is easy..that seems a pretty good way to go in contrast to this tough life- never ending cycle of hardwork and disappointment compared to being forever asleep..no pain..no tears.
3 loves lost and im going on
3 times blown away by hating eye
cos girls thay travel in packs like wolves
and like wolves that snap at all that come nere
and unless some one can magically here
the sownd of braking hearts
and a boy is dumpt not just byu the girl but by the pack
dont get me wong im not puting a wole sex down
cos nice girls travel alone
thay set them selfs aside
from all nere by
ter for not picking up the ill tids
of hatrid and crultey
gosip and banter
are some of the simtoms to date
but its all a liy of smies as a nice boy gos biy
so dont fall for the […]
I enjoy reading the conversations and posts people put up. This is one big community. Even though we’re “depressed” and “suicidal” we’re still able to make a nice family. Even though something else brought us together, we’re still intertwined.