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Can’t seem to get it

by fukup

I’m sick of it all!! The world leaders and the stupidity, the difficulty dealing with my own stupidity and my past. I love my children; I do and people care for me but they care more about me than I do. I’m jealous of all those who have died already however they died. I have lost those closest to me except for my girls who are probably the only reason I wake up. I cry all the time. I’m stressed and have thought of more ways to die than the Mayan long count calender has days! I don’t want to die because i BELIEVE life is beautiful if only I could control the magic powers humans have to manifest their dreams but I don’t think I deserve much of a life therefore I don’t get one. Back and forth all the time I’m sick of it. I want to see my kids grow up but my body and mind, wallet and soul are in to much pain. I think it hurts my kids more to see me depressed so much although I try to hide and do it well when we are together. I have sordid thoughts and memories that paralyze me. And I sound stupid right now

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3 comments

Love_is_Louder 4/25/2013 - 10:48 pm

You matter and there is always hope.

freakmeout 4/26/2013 - 12:54 am

It would amaze you how much kids pick up on parents emotions. I feel for ya. ive spent the last 2 years wishing it would just be done with, nothing like having the ball and chain of depression strapped to you. Something that helps me is helping others and rememdering that there are others out there feeling the same. hang in there, focus on things you care about. If you have to, make it an odsetion temperarally, for example focus all this negative crap into the energy needed to wake up each morning to renew your care for your little ones. Use it to drive you forward or insane, just remember that nomatter how much you think your sheltering them from, they have their magical kid way of just knowing and unfortunetly, this depression will affect them, possibly causing them to have.the same thought your having. Anyway, here to chat if needed. Good luck to ya and keep your chin up. A bright, shiny day always comes after the rain……………………

katkit 4/26/2013 - 5:05 am

You don’t. Really. We all have our fears.

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