cursed….please help:'(

I’m afraid to recall that how this idea ever ran through my mind but If I EVER end up being a transsexual….my mother and her ultra conservative outlook would be responsible for it….the truth is that I’m tired of the mundane gender issues to which I was exposed to at such a young age or to be more specific its one of my earliest memory to be super reserved with people of the opposite gender….because its a “taboo” to be frank or formally intimate with them……I sometimes feel like I’ll never forgive the brutal society laws which made me “regret” for being a female….I often complain to God for my femininity….being a girl had always been a curse to me….i don’t want to live…