the scent of butane and drunk males

I’m sorry in advance if my spelling and such get a bit messy in this post, too much to say to be able to concentrate.
My mom gave me a Zippo today with her old initials and my dad’s, and much earlier I had reflected on the story about the boy who soaked his bath robe in gasoline and lit himself on fire.
I’ve been cutting lately, and one is in plain sight. I wrote over it in sharpie, but its red around it so I assume people have noticed. I confessed to someone I plan to befriend that I cut earlier, but I said it in such a manner, he didn’t really notice.
I’ve been falling for a friend of mine, but he keeps reminding me that he only sees me as a friend.
My suicide support friend got drunk last night, which was followed by emails either making me out to be the worst person on earth or begging for a second chance.
My boyfriend and his friends are having a party and getting drunk tonight, while I am at home playing with the zippo lighter and wondering what to do to or with myself.
I just need one of my two support people to email/text me back, but they wont and its driving me insane.