All my parents do is make me feel like im not good enough. im sorry i cant be their perfect child. It’s hard trying to keep them happy.
My friends have all became distant. I sit alone on the bus and at lunch. None of them understand. I’ve tried telling them but they dont help. Only i can help myself, i understand that. but i dont know how. im lost.
I told my boyfriend my whole story once. the reason i started cutting. why im suicidal. why im always crying when he calls me late at night. I told him all of my secrets. He made me stop cutting and he made me happy again. He made the thoughts of suicide not occur as often. And then he left. He just dumped me. He left me alone in the dark. I learned not to trust anyone any more. because all they will do is disappear.
Not too long ago someone i love killed herself. thats when i started the self harm. I figured if she could do it then why cant i? She was like a sister to me. I feel like i could have saved her. It was my fault. Im the reason she’s gone now. I am a horrible person and i dont deserve to live.
I try to ask for help from anyone who can offer it but they dont seem to get it. what its like to transform mental pain into physical pain. to be driven to the point where you want to die. I want one person to listen. just one. that would be enough. i have 82 cuts. i want that to stop. i want to be normal and happy again. why wont they listen?
I’m tired of hearing “You’ll be okay.” or “I’m sorry.” or “It’ll get better.” because i’ve already accepted the fact that it wont get better. but i can at least try, right?
8 comments
I know how you feel, people who haven’t been through this don’t know what its like. The first time I told my best friend she called me stupid and once my mum actually came out with ‘why do you make yourself sad?’. I’m not going to tell you that it gets better because to be honest I’m not sure that is actually true, but it really does help to talk to someone professional like a doctor or a therapist.
im 13. im young so i cant really talk to anyone professional because it would cost money, right? my parents cant know. and my sisters.. they wont listen.
Do you have any other family members that you can talk to?
I know how you feel Ive been through that need somebody to talk to Im here!:)
Dont worrie im not those creeps out their I had one friend with me that helped me from the begining and I wanna be that friend for you!:)
No I’ve been seeing therapists for almost a year now and I haven’t paid, talk to your doctor that’s how mine was set up. But if you need to talk I’m always here, I remember being that young and going through it alone, its horrible.
Hey I really really recommend you to watch blake bliss’s videos on youtube, he is like a free therapist or something, he understands and knows the pain, he really helps, you can talk to me when ever you need someone to listen too morenomari1@yahoo.com
Gee. guys. you all are wonderful. ive never had so many people ask for me to talk to them about my problems. they usually run away. it means a lot. thank you.
And Marissa, no one in my family can know. they will just make a big deal out of it. i really dont like being the center of attention.