I’m in a constant battle with my self. My friends and family beg me not to cut my self or to think about killing myself but its not that easy. I mean they try to support me but they sometimes make me feel like I’m worthless and that i failed them. I hate myself so much already and I’m scared to tell them they make me feel this way but I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this hell. I try to make everyone else happy when I’m dying on the inside. Can someone help me? I’m lost and confused.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
The fact that both your friends and family are aware of your self harm and desire for death is a good start. I’d really like you to stop the cutting as well.. if you can find it in you to want to stop, perhaps you could tell your friends and family that you’re going to try and stop..? and each time you fail, just keep on telling them that you’re going to try again and outlast the last number of days you went without it (although I understand that this probably isn’t about the number of days.. rather than the number of times that you feel is necessary to cut). But, I’m suggesting this because they’ll be able to give you some positive support and perhaps catch you when you’re about to cut.
One option that works fairly well for me as an outlet instead of cutting.. is to go for long runs.. even a quick run should help you out I think – it should help take away your desire to self harm.. because a) you’ll be too tired to, b) it should help block out what everyone says about you while you’re running, c) physical exertion helps with depression.
I can see that you do genuinely want to make everyone else happy.. but seeing them happy obviously isn’t making you feel happy – or at least not enough. If you can, you should try ignoring people when they say negative things about you (this may be impossible. lol..)
But in truth, it seems that you’re quite young.. and they’re probably just trying to give you a strong push in the direction that they think that will give you a life where you’re happy and able to support yourself in the long run.. because in the end, they do genuinely love and care about you.. and its probably better to learn how to take criticism from them and do it now so things won’t bug you later when you’re older and have to deal with people “professionally”.
And I do think you will get there if you manage to get through this in a positive light..
Maybe you are focusing too much on your family and friends needs and are trying to get better for the wrong reasons, unless your family and friends are the only people that are stopping you from committing suicide. The need for change should be what you want. Im not to sure how you get to wanting to get better but once its what you want I think it would be easier, not easy but easier than doing it for someone else.
Thank you for the advice and I am going to start running I think that it will help me because sometimes all I really want is to be alone so I can figure myself out but my family always suffocates me. I know they love and care about me but sometimes when they are angry or hurt they always take it out in me and do or say things that add to my hurt. Like they sometimes bring up my past and that is really hard for me to deal with because of all if the bad things that happened and I feel like I’m only going deeper into depression each day. I did tell them I’m going to try not to cut before and everytime I let someone down, but I am going to try harder I think I just need to distance myself for awhile to figure out a better way to handle my depression.
Firstly, no one is worthless and you are going through a tough time so you might feel like that sometimes. It is good that your friends and family know that you feel like that and do that becasue if you had kept it a secret then you might have become distant from them and found that you are upset more. Also talk to them about them shouting at you or bringing up your past and them telling you things. Say something to them otherwise it will carry on and it will come round in a circle again and again and again… until you take action and stop the circle. I agree it is good to do running and that I think that it is good that you have taken it up because then you might get into other sports and this will keep you active and you may make new friends and it is good to surround yourself with friends and family that know what you are doing as you can get support from them.
I kept it from them for quite awhile and when I told my parents they kept a close look on me for awhile and tried to help me. I told them things were find that I wasn’t going to kill myself but then we went to the doctor. The docotor pointed out I wasn’t taking care of myself properly and my parents told the docotor of my thoughts and classified it as a suicide attempt. They didn’t do anything except ground me and leave me in my room to cry and write about what I had done wrong. To be honest that kinda sent me deeper into depression and make me feel more worthless and like a failure. I am going to try to get into other sports to get my mind off of the depression.