no, I dont cut. No, I wasnt abused. I’m sorry if you have been.
In 5th grade I started taking pills (amphetamine) and some for sleeping. I started getting really skinny, never eating, never hungry. I turned pale and gaunt, my parents thought I was anorexic. I couldnt explain to them that I just wasnt hungry (a side effect of amphetamine) so I lied. A lot. “yea I ate a sandwich when you were gone.” I hadnt. Ya this wasnt bad, i was a pretty happy kid, just really skinny. Then 6th grade rolled around and i weighed around 60 lb for the first half of school. I started to get really depressed. You probably think this sounds stupid, like what kind of little kid gets depressed? was it really depression? Hell yes it was, I was suicidal for most of the school year. Me and my best friend had a fight and I had no friends for a while. We hung out all the time, practically conjoined by the hip. My parents divorced and my mom moved out. Then I realized that my childhood wasnt as happy as I thought. My parents argued 24 7, even on vacations. I started band and met a lot of friends there. i sat next to 2 guys and for next 3 years too and got to know them pretty well. I got a crush on one of them and I soon realized he didnt really care or pay attention to me. Like every other crush, but this one hurt way more then the rest. It still does. now I weigh about 110 and I am a bit chubby. which I was made fun of for, by my brother. now here I am. sad, chubby, lonely and suicidal. I was taken off amphetamine when I realized that life wasnt supposed to feel as crappy as I thought. I still keep my old bottle of amphetamine in case I want an “easy way out.” Yea it doesnt sound nearly as bad as everyone elses stories on here does it? I still feel like crap. I try not to feel sorry for mmyself.
I wonder… Is anyone really happy? Are any of you guys?