I’m sure everyone’s heard the story I’m about to tell before; the girl who loses the boy she loves. I keep a journal on my computer and write everytime I’m sad, as if I have an audience reading along as I type. I’ve decided to write for people to see this time. I’ve been dating y boyfriend for about a year, we’ll call him Scott. Scott and I have been through much more than a usual teenage relationship. He moved here in the fall of 2010 to start tenth grade with a whole highschool he didn’t know. He had the looks though, and he eventually […]
July 2013
to the self centred guy that stupid me likes to rely on,
you walk in and out of my life like im a 24 hour service that you always have access to. mind games are as fun as swallowing glass, try it sometime and walk in my shoes- im not an object im a fucking human being with feelings and my respect drops for you like the temperature drops that night. this “friendship” is a one way track of bullshit and IM DONE.
Everytime I eat something, I feel like puking. I want to but I know it’s not healthy. I feel so pathetic. I really wish I was dead.
So, anyone have any great epiphanies while I wasn’t looking? No? Okay. I have not had a great epiphany either so I know that feels.
Anyway, I would just like to say how tired I am of sleeping, how tired I am of regretting decisions that involved you. Ha. I can not even say miss you because in no way shape or form did I even come close to knowing you. Anyway, I am just so fucking tired of regrets. I am so tired of thinking about you. So tired of living, so tired of lying, so tired of pretending and […]
Once upon a time, when this girl was 3 years old, she lost the one person that everyone needs, she had lost her guardian angel, her soul, her mother.. It was hard, to make it through all by herself. People came, and people left. She made mistakes and she caused pain, but her own agony was too hard to cure. Nobody could be able to feel her or to understand. Paranoia, hallucinations, depression, self harm were her friends for over 10 years ago. Â But now, here she is, stronger than anytime, she feels loved, but can’t love herself though. It doesn’t matter to feel all […]
I don’t know why I did it. I think I needed to feel, needed to know that I’m still alive. I don’t think that I matter anymore, to anyone. I started cutting today. The razor on my skin made it through when my pocket knife couldn’t. It wasn’t deep. It barely broke skin, but I felt it. And finally I feel real. I feel human. I’m a sad human being, but I exist. I guess that’s all that matters, even if I don’t.
I want to make a suicide pact in Davenport, Florida. I honestly cannot take this shit any longer and all the shit that comes along with it. I can only bear with so much pain for limited time. Let’s just do it. gennysuarez11@gmail.com
Because I can’t call anyone, because I can’t share, because I can’t remember all the past, because I have no one, because I am at the end that’s why I am here. I wish the end would come but then I think of those who still need me and I hang on for one more day…
Hi. So I’m new here, and frankly don’t know why I joined in the first place. I guess I thought it would be nice to see other people who are going through the same mental torment as me.
So I’m 18 year old male that just graduated last year. I’ve been majorly depressed for over 5 years now and its only gotten worse in the last couple of years. I almost failed school because I couldn’t concentrate on anything properly. At graduation everyone was so happy and I just sat there loathing the idea of having to do anything else. Everyone went out partying afterwards […]
today has been such a shit day. i woke up feeling awful. i feel naucious and i have a killer headache. my mom is pissed at me for no reason and i dont want to be home. i wish i could just leave and i wish i had drugs. i really want some perc 3o’s right now and honestly if i had money to buy some heroine i would. i need something because i feel like im about to break down and cry and scream and stab myself in the stomach. i just dont feel good and i dont know why. nothing has happened really […]
Everyone has to die one day, then why should wait for your death. It is better to take your life by your own way, a less painful death. Why should wait for some miserable disease like cancer. And most importantly if you are so hopeless that you don’t even want to wake in the morning. You wish that you never been born at first place. You don’t have a single person in your life to trust, to share your pain. When you are back stab by your best friend, cheated by your girlfriend, watching your father died with cancer. When the nightmares don’ let you […]
I don’t belong here. Life just isn’t for me. Anyone else feel like that?
If I could try to describe the way I feel it would be like an egg without anything inside. Then imagine that same egg being put under intense pressure. smashed broken and shattered….Its like this feeling in the center of my chest….not physical pain….but it just feels like darkness and despair. Â I can laugh at things that make me laugh but its absent of happiness…. I cant genuinely smile at anything. I don’t appreciate or value anything life has to offer. The sunlight has become dull and gray and when its dull and gray outside that is sunshine to me. A flower looks like a […]
Today I remember the life I had. Today I think of the posts I have read here. Today I rembember the people I have been a witness to in their exit.  Today I hope all people will be given the legal right to make the choice I have had to search the world for. Today I look back in sorrow and look forward in anticipation.  Today I wish for all, the lives they desire and the end they deserve. Today I am , if honest, a bit afraid.  Today I am  more sure than ever that what awaits me is better than what is behind […]
One day i sat in my room and had my music up, i thought i had locked my door and shut it, but it wasnt shut all the way… Well as i had a knife to my neck and my suicide note on my chest, my .. friend David comes in he coaches the knife away from me and when i dropped it i fell into his arms and cried and couldnt stop.. We talked about why i was trying to do it, many reasons.
Till this day, i owe him my life.. Thank you..<3
I write poems everyday
Poem by Poem
Day by day
To seal my endless pain
Scars are everywhere
All they do is stare
Never once noticing me
Falling apart silently
I fucking hate my life. So I shit around, help other people with their lives in order to forget about my fucked up life… I know that won’t change anything, but I hate my life. I loathe it. I want to give up. I want to fucking give up everything. I can’t decide nor choose anything in my life. It’s all fucking manipulated by my parents even after highschool graduation. I hate living. I hate my family, I hate everything that is me. I just want to fucking kill myself. I a fucking useless shit infested with self-hatred. The judges won’t like me. I won’t […]
i see nothing at all, no happines
When i tried to commit suicide i was serious about it. I locked my door turned my music on loud and ignored the knocks. Well i laid down my tools of trade, a bottle of vodka, to hide my shame, a razor at the wrist nothing would be missed. I.. I took a drink then grabbed my razor as i sat over a towel and just cut my thighs to hell i could barely walk after.. I called […]
I can’t take the emotional pain anymore. I’ve tried so many different anti-depressants. Do I need ECT? I just want some ******** to leave this world peacefully. I’m never going to accept my sexuality. I have unwanted same-sex attraction and at the same time want a family life. I’m 42 and time is running out. What’s the point of all this? Please god intervene, save this soul from hell and let me die peacefully. Psychiatrists, psychologists, support groups, friends, family, exercise, tried everything but I’m constantly thinking about suicide. Yes, I have some things going on in my life which I appreciate, BUT THE LONELINESS […]
suicide is a seven letter word that controlled my life along side depression and anxiety that i still struggle with. im here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you have a purpose. i felt that i had nothing else to live for until i made a list. it sounds simple but make a list of all the things you want to do and see in life and i promise you itll give you hope. read it everyday or everyday or when you feel like you dont want to be here. its small but it might help […]