hello. im back. ive been gone for over two years, i thought my life was going great! i wasa loved and loving, hoped for and hoping, cared about and caring… i am 18 now. im not the same scared little girl i thought i was before. im a confident young woman… or, thats wat the world thinks… thats wat everybody thinks, i mean… thats the point, right? i guess u could say that i am on the right track? i have a good job, i have all the right connections, i have all the correct scores when it comes to the life test. i have alot of friends too…but if i have so many friedns, why do i always feel so lonely? why do i constantly feel forgotten? forsaken? hated??? why do i always feel like imthe most annoying person on the face of this earth? why do i feel like shit all the time, 24.7…. oh yeah, thats right.. because i thought i could atually be happy.. annddd that was my first mistake. happiness isnt real, neither is true love or love at first sight. honesty isnt real, at least not in the world today. in the past two years one of my closest friends has committed suicide… my dad has gotten cancer, my fiancee has left me, my best friend has betrayed me, my friends have abandoned me, my family has forgotten me, and my life has ben nothing but turmoil and hatred. if happiness was in my vocabulary before, well… i was mistaking happiness for temporary fixes, love for lust, anger for jealousy, fury for hatred, and caring for pity… there is no such thing as HAPPY in this world, and its sad that it has taken me this long to realize it…. to all my brothers and sisters in suffering, please hear me out! it will NOT get better! it will NOT get easier. it will only get harder and harder and harder… and no matter how much you hope and pray that this life will be worth it in the end, it will NEVER be the way you want it! someday u will have to pay ur own bills, go to college, have kids, get married, and then just move through the motions of life. no matter what, we will all become pawns in thsi game of life and no matter how hard we try to stop it, it will always overpower us….
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I remember you, i didnt have an account then, but i do. and you are right. NO HAPPINESS, my friend moved schools, i have no one but a girlfriend that doesnt love me. abandon all hope, ye who enter here, this is not an exit.
thats understandable… and i think i may rememmber you as well… i was so different back then… i dont knwo what or why, but im back and i plan to show u the difference… its not hte best difference, but im still different.
how do u remember me if u didnt have an account then?
I believe you said it all, and correctly.
A lot of you here already know my situation…. and happiness is often a lie.
You discover later you lived a lie too. I lived a lie for 14+ years (17 if you count the time I knew her).
It plays with your head.
No, real happiness is never attained in this world. I don’t believe it was meant to be attainable.
Maybe in the next.
Any difference is a start!
I’m sorry, but I disagree with that! Happiness is perfectly reasonable, and attainable for all of us. I don’t care how bad your life has been, how old you are, none of it matters! You can make your life better! How do you know there’s a next life, what if it’s worse? We need to make the best of what’s given to us! You were given life, and I figure there must be some reason other than to suffer, then die. Think of your troubles as a test. Find joy, in life, and I promise that soon the sun will shine again. I am positive that there is some purpose for you being here, and soon you WIll find out what it is.
That last to wifeisgone.
ok, well obviously u have never been clinically depressed. i know thats true, and u know thats true, but not everyone realizes it. i may feel like shit sometimes, but i always believe that my god has greater plans for me in the end. i take all my feelings out on paper.. wether it be painting, sketching, drawing or writing, i always find a way to express myself. but some people do thave that option. some people dont know quite how to express their feelings in a way such as us. im not saying that we are perfect, but im def not saying that we are all nothing less than such. it takes a strong minded and a strong willed person to realize that they need help… and i guess that that is what this website is for. i obviously have my moments of turmoil, but i also have my moments of triumph. think about it…. we all have our funks and this was just one of mine….
you just told me there was no such thing as happiness…
Depression is an illness, but like so many others, it can be fixed! You’re right about our funks. I have been around depression all my life, although I have never been diagnosed myself, but I know what kegs like. I. Have also seen people get better. This will pass.