hello. im back. ive been gone for over two years, i thought my life was going great! i wasa loved and loving, hoped for and hoping, cared about and caring… i am 18 now. im not the same scared little girl i thought i was before. im a confident young woman… or, thats wat the world thinks… thats wat everybody thinks, i mean… thats the point, right? i guess u could say that i am on the right track? i have a good job, i have all the right connections, i have all the correct scores when it comes to the life test. i have alot of friends too…but if i have so many friedns, why do i always feel so lonely? why do i constantly feel forgotten? forsaken? hated??? why do i always feel like imthe most annoying person on the face of this earth? why do i feel like shit all the time, 24.7…. oh yeah, thats right.. because i thought i could atually be happy.. annddd that was my first mistake. happiness isnt real, neither is true love or love at first sight. honesty isnt real, at least not in the world today. in the past two years one of my closest friends has committed suicide… my dad has gotten cancer, my fiancee has left me, my best friend has betrayed me, my friends have abandoned me, my family has forgotten me, and my life has ben nothing but turmoil and hatred. if happiness was in my vocabulary before, well… i was mistaking happiness for temporary fixes, love for lust, anger for jealousy, fury for hatred, and caring for pity… there is no such thing as HAPPY in this world, and its sad that it has taken me this long to realize it…. to all my brothers and sisters in suffering, please hear me out! it will NOT get better! it will NOT get easier. it will only get harder and harder and harder… and no matter how much you hope and pray that this life will be worth it in the end, it will NEVER be the way you want it! someday u will have to pay ur own bills, go to college, have kids, get married, and then just move through the motions of life. no matter what, we will all become pawns in thsi game of life and no matter how hard we try to stop it, it will always overpower us….