Hey. I’m back again, and so soon. I don’t know…I’m just getting worse. She doesn’t even care about me anymore…I want to tell her that I want to kill myself, but I’m not sure she will care. I’m laying in bed right now. I didn’t go to school today because of a neck injury. It’s common sense that I’m not going to tell anyone this in real life, but the injury is because I tried to strangle myself. I figured it wouldn’t work, but I suppose it was just trying to relieve some of my frustration. But the injury kept me home from school today, so I got to stay home and talk with her. It was ok. But then reality set in, when she said that she doesn’t miss me, which was brought up by me taking medicine and in my sleepy mindstate I told her I love her and miss her. She doesn’t though. I’m having fantasies again. I want to shoot myself in the head, maybe drown myself. I also think of just sitting next to her. Just her caring about me for once. And then for some reason, I am constantly visualising beating people up for little to no reason. I fucking hate it. I hate myself. I went on a 6 mile walk away from my house on Sunday because I was so close go stabbing myself with a knife I got for christmas. I’m sorry this post had almost no structure, I just needed to vent. I really want to vent to her, and for to actually care. To try and help me. I don’t even want to be her boyfriend or anything like that. I just want her to care and love me again. I really need help. I want to stab myself. I’m probably going to try and get sleep medication and just sleep. It’s so much better when I don’t have to think. I hate myself, and I love her. But she doesn’t care. Again, I am sorry for the lack of structure. Also, I suppose I understand why she has fallen out of love with me. She is tired of my depression. If I die, she doesn’t want to have to care.
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Time you move on and forget her. My ex would rather see me dead, she gets more right now if I do.
You dont need people who treat you like shit, whatever the reason.
There is better out there for you.
It might take time, but there is.
Have faith and hang on.
I was just talking to a guy today whos girlfriend cut out on him, left him, abandoned him., said to me “they become like a different person, don’t they? “.
And they do.
I feel like you’d understand. I can’t just leave her…I’m clinging to this scrap of hope that she still cares about me and all this will pass. I’m just waiting for her to show me that. I just can’t cut off communications with her…
DAlex, I was in a similar position, only he was the guy. I also wanted him to save me, save me from myself. I even told him several times that I felt suicidal. I have been through a rough childhood and he couldn’t cope with the problems I still had with that. That was his reason. He told me I should find a guy that could deal with my problems, while all along, all I ever wanted was for him to actually just care about me. I clang on this hope to get him back for two years. Only to realise that he hasn’t changed. It hurts, badly, in fact, it was that year I tried to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital. He asked about me a few times but that was it. And here I was still cherishing the good memories. I don’t know if there is a solution, not just one ready solution to that problem. To this day, I still see him as the only guy I have ever REALLY loved but he never returned that
She left you (sounds like). Dont beat a dead horse. Once a female turns their feelings off, its like night and day.
It is not to your advantage to want her anymore, and I’ll say it again, coz its the truth….
Move on.
At least yours asked about you….
Mine showed up only to tell me in my face she only came coz my mom needed the ride.
She just texted me…she told me she really cares about me, and not to do any stupid shit. I asked her if she knows what stupid shit I’m contemplating, and she said yes. I know it’s pathetic, but I started fucking crying. Only for a minute or two, but it happened. Is that pathetic? I believe so. I really don’t know what to do. I think she’s figured out that I’m writing on here, but I can’t be sure. She HAS written on here before and she knows I go on here too…I don’t know if she reads my posts.
Thats a good sign.
My wife wouldn’t tell me that much.
No, its normal to cry. I did plenty.