So many things have changed. My best friend/cousin is dead. My relationship is deteriorating. Every night it’s the same. I think of her and how I wish she was still alive and how I want to be dead. It should have been me instead of her. Everything right now is such a mess. School. Friends. My relationship. I don’t eat right. All I have been thinking about is death. It’s been a year now with these thoughts. Maybe more time. My daydreams are about suicide, how I’d do it and when..
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think about it this way… what if your cousin was alive and you were the one who was dead… and she was in your shoes, would you want her to die and be with you or would you want her to fulfil her ambitions in memory of you?