saeglopur

been in this site about a week readin and readin the stories… i’ve been depressed for 6 months and now i’m runnin out of resources to get my mind out it, since i’ve already failed in everythin n developin panic/anxious attacks isn’t helpin. or might be… actually the attacks are gettin a full mixed of emotions and desperate livin/dyin feelings. i just dont know whats real anymore… takin even more pills to get to sleep but every single minute dreamin about humiliantin/powerfull evil forces (not like ghosts or somethin) comin to me and makin the few people that i love suffer. i wake up with their screams echoin and cant move for minutes. everythin is full of shit, failed at college n relationships. losin people that i loved more than anythin. when i can finally move out to seek some help everythin they talk is about religion… not that i’m a hater of jesus or somethin… i just dont believe that such things can overpass my condition. i used to try my best at everythin, got into a profession wantin to help the world and make it a better place, worked as a volunteer, played drums in a band, spent years skatin. tryed so fuckin much for years to be THAT person, but i just failed everythin, cant move out for this chair except for takin more packs cigarettes, readin about such things as suicide methods, i’m really scared… but i’m letting the things flow to their natural course, and get more scared thinkin about where i would end up REALLY findin my mental peace that i want so much……….. i’ve never wanted to be  the piece of shit that i become i’m tired as i never been